tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21967833045138003572024-03-05T05:34:52.024-05:00Pooping Red Guy & FriendsI never realized I was a corporation until now. Mom to an aspie married to a hubby with Arnold Chiari. A proud socialist liberal, wild views, wild posts, sometimes boring, sometimes offensive, but always real.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.comBlogger90125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-76466106469185321942012-01-22T15:37:00.000-05:002012-01-22T15:37:11.204-05:00Changing your child for the world?On Autism Daddy's blog yesterday was <a href="http://autism-daddy.blogspot.com/2012/01/to-parents-that-say-i-wouldnt-change-my.html">an interesting post</a> that has created some hub-bub in our autism community. It very much reminded me of a post last year from a blogger who said if a pill to cure autism was invented, she would use it to cure her child. I wrote a post responding to that concept <a href="http://poopingredguy.blogspot.com/2011/05/give-boy-pill.html#.TxxCX_k8CSo">here</a>. Autism Daddy's post is of a similar thread, but different fabric: He rages against the quote "I'd change the world for my child, but not my child for the world."<br />
<br />
To be fair, our experiences with autism are different. I cannot imagine with much accuracy what its like to have child with severe autism. My son is high-functioning and (very) verbal... well verbose would be a better descriptor. haha. Trying to put myself in another autism parent's shoes is hard and I know trying to fill those shoes with my own feet of experience would be impossible.<br />
<br />
What I can say with a fair amount of accuracy is that we've all had those moments. We have all wondered what life would be like with a neuro-typical child. We all have moments when the grass is much greener on the other side of the parenting fence. That simply is human nature.<br />
<br />
Yet, here we all are in our difficult parenting circumstances with our kids (and maybe even ourselves) on the spectrum. He we are dealing with problems we never, ever imagined, that parents of neuro-typical kids grow out of after age four if they ever experience them and basically doing the best we can with what we have. He we are trying to raise children with autism. When that pregnancy test came back positive, <b><i>I never envisioned this life</i></b>. (<span style="color: red;">Keep this bold statement, and all others, in your head for future reference</span>)<br />
<br />
I have this friend... well, sorta friend. I knew her before she was
mother. Being a mother was really what she longed to be above all else.
She had her child's entire future mapped out, including his personality,
his likes, dislikes, his interests, his friends, his favorite color and so on. She divide
up traits from her partner and self, along with all her family members
applying them to her future child. In her head she envisioned who her
child was going to be. She romanticized her unborn child when she
pregnant, which we all do to a degree, but she was extreme.<br />
<br />
I absolutely could not relate to her thinking at all. I knew that children are not who we want them to be, but who they are. Maya Angelou said once (and Oprah repeated it constantly) "When people show you who they are believe them". That was a lesson I learned a long time ago. When I became a parent, I lived those words. I did not want my son growing up thinking he cannot fulfill my dream for him. My dream for him is simply <b>to be</b> <b>happy and to be fulfilled</b>. How he chooses to do that is up to him. <br />
<br />
I'm going to skip debate portion of response. Read my old post and you'll see that my feelings differ from Daddy Autism and the supporting reasons why. I don't feel the need to restate those things. What I intend is to leave you, my dear readers, with some fat to chew on. It's not my goal to change ideas, but rather offer another perspective... by deconstructing Daddy Autism's words, delving into them and answering (most of) his questions.<br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your kid sleeps
less than 2 hours a night because of his autism. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You wouldn't want to
change that?! </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<br />
Yes, I would and I do. Sleep is an issue for autistic kids and it sucks royally as a parent because it means you don't get to sleep. The truth is is that a child with autism may not require as much sleep as other children, but both parent and child will survive it, cope with it and hopefully find a way to make sleep work. I write this on a day my son woke up before 3 am. Dude, I'm tired, but I've got a plan. <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<div style="color: #274e13;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your kid doesn't talk because of his autism. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You
wouldn't want to change that?!</span></div>
<br />
<br />
Chances are your child does talk, you just don't speak their language. <b>Self-expression is an integral part of humanity</b>, one which you cannot separate from a being unless they are brain dead. Does your child communicate like your neighbor's kid? No. Does your child have to work one million times harder to be understood? Yes. Does that devalue their self-expression? Absolutely not. If anything, it makes it carry a million times the weight of a nuero-typical person.<br />
<br />
Would a parent give anything to make that self expression easier? Of course, but that doesn't necessarily mean changing the language. After all, I may not be able to speak Russian, but that doesn't mean it's a language that doesn't count. Growing up in a diverse community where English was a second language for most family friends, I noticed that many people assume not communicating in English means a person is not intelligent or less of a person. I've seen it with adults speaking to children with Selective Mutism. Last night, to take the point further, I watched The Kings Speech. King George VI was perceived as less than because he stuttered. And its been a stereo-type fought against in the autism community. Our society defines the inability to carry on a fluid conversation as inhuman, but if anyone knows it is not the truth, it should be us parents. As much as we teach recognizing non-verbal communication and it's importance to our children, we should be able to see and practice it ourselves. <br />
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<div style="color: #274e13;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your kid bangs his head against the
window because of the big A. You wouldn't want to change that?! </span></div>
<br />
Do I want my son to hit himself when he's upset? Nope. Do I want a child to bang their head against the wall? Not at all. Do I want to change it? Yes. That is a work in progress. In most cases its a reaction to frustration (like not being understood when trying to communicate to another human being) or sensory overload. Sometimes it can just be a routine, since they develop so easily. But there are other coping skills to teach, just like you'd have to teach a neuro-typical child who chews their fingernails or sucks their thumb when under stress a more acceptable, healthy coping skill.<br />
<div style="color: #274e13;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #274e13;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your
kid smears his feces against the walls. You wouldn't want to change
that?! </span></div>
<br />
Hey! It's art! I know, I know... but since this is "Pooping Red Guy" and poop is often the topic of conversation in my house. My son doesn't do that-- well, once when he was an infant he woke up early and used his mother's sleeping body as his canvas-- but my husband has talked about it in general when he did therapy at the elementary school. It's a theraputic issue. Yes, work on changing that. I'd definitely change that. Working on changing it until... (as Dr. Phil says. Meaning until it changes.) <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="color: #274e13;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your kid recites the same phrase from Dora The Explorer all day
long. You wouldn't want to change that?!</span></div>
<br />
This one made me chuckle just a bit, not because I'm making light of the issue, but because we live in a home where repeated phrases from our favorite shows abound. It's not always the same phrase, but one from a mental library of about twenty. The same phrase can stick for weeks. We are an aspie household (and thanks to brain damage, its more apparent now). It's something we do when traditional language doesn't fit a situation. <br />
<br />
For my son particularly, his repetitive feature is knocking. If you watch The Big Bang Theory, you know Sheldon always knocks three times on Penny's door. My son does it on his desk. Three times, always the same rhythm. I know this means he's excited or anxious. It's self-expression for him and it helps me understand him better.<br />
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No, I don't want to change that. It's part of who we are. It's part of the way we communicate with each other. The more we recognize what we are expressing to each other the more enriching our family dynamic becomes.<br />
<br />
Current Phrase: <i>Mongolians, you tear down my city wall for last time! (but soon it may be Swiper, no swiping!)</i><br />
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<div style="color: #274e13;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your kid is so stuck to his routine that any teeny tiny diversion and he has a meltdown.</span></div>
<br />
That I do want to change because transitions and diversions are a part of life. There are a ton of strategies for dealing with this. Since I know that many, many kids with autism grow up to manage transitions in their own way, I have faith with the proper guidance (aka parenting), mine will, too.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #274e13;">Your kid will only eat chicken mcnuggets from McDonald's, nothing else will do. You wouldn't want to change that?! </span></span><br />
<br />
Of course I would try. Yet, if Temple Grandin can survive on green J-ello and yogurt... eating chicken nuggets forever doesn't seem like end of the world. <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="color: #274e13;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Now admitting
that you HATE your kid's autism doesn't mean you don't LOVE your kid. I
LOVE my son. But I HATE the disorder that he's been stricken with that
will make him dependent on mom & dad for the rest of our lives and
beyond. </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Warning: This part got up my nose and is a little more ranty than I wanted. </span></span><br />
<br />
I grew up hearing that my family hated that I was fat but loved me. You know what message I took away from that? That *I* was not good enough. That they hated who *I* was. As much as you separate your child from your child's offending condition, chances are your child does not. As a child that was just different, I'll be the first to tell you that my childhood mind did not understand that separation like my adult mind does now. How we approach our children's problem matters. What we say about it matters. How we express the negative bits matter-- regardless of the method of expression. <b>When a kid gets the message that they are inherently flawed it changes who they are</b>. Autistic children are not flawed as much as they work under a different set of mental parameters than neuro-typical people. They have different issues-- We ALL have issues.<br />
<br />
I'll say it again: We all have issues. We all have things to overcome. We are all a work in progress and will be until the day we die. Sending the message to your kid that you wished they weren't born the way they were is just not cool. And since we are product of our experiences and flaws (which is an over-simplification, but I won't wax philosophical here cause this post is long enough) you could not erase your child's autism and keep their personality. It is by working with and through our defects and issues that we become the best person we can be and make a difference in the world around us. Autism does not exclude you from the human experience nor the human condition.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;">Do parents of
kids with cancer or diabetes say that? No, of course not those are life
threatening diseases. Do parents of blind or deaf kids say that? I'd
be curious. Do kids with down syndrome or cerebral palsy say that? I
don't know, but I doubt it. </span> </span><br />
<br />
In every movie, show, documentary or other forms of art about children with chronic illness there is always a moment where the child blame his or herself for their parents unhappiness with the condition. The message is *I* came into this world and ruined my parents life. They do not say *cancer* caused my parents divorce. They do not say *diabetes* made my mom cry today. They do not say my dad hates *my disability*. I'll give you a moment to digest that paragraph.<br />
<br />
Get it? Good. <br />
<br />
But dude, really? Cancers that children get are more often than not FATAL. (As a mom whose buried children, I'll remind you that sucks royally to hold your dead child in your arms and quickly turns another other living child problem into a blessing.) Autism is not fatal. I was taken aback by that statement. Just wow. I'm gonna give a parent of a dying child a little more leeway to be angry than a parent whose child has autism. Why? Because there's more time to deal with autism. <br />
<br />
My niece with Cerebral Palsy went to Oxford last year as a Rhodes Scholar. She wasn't supposed to be able to speak. She wasn't supposed to be so intelligent. Her mom (who has cancer, by the way) and her dad decided to focus on her strengths and help her cope with her weaknesses. They had those its-so-not-fair-moments, too. I've had those moments. BUT, and a big but... they don't get projected and they are fleeting because... LIFE. Because he's alive. Because life is too short to grab onto the negatives with both hands. <br />
<br />
I don't say that I wish my child was different because I know he is a sum of his parts. (I do say I wish I could help ease his suffering during his symptomatic moments. My husband said that out-loud today and we say it directly to our boy all the time.) I don't want to devalue him. I don't want him to ever think he is not the absolute most precious thing to me in this world. He is the best thing I've ever made and being his mother is the best gift life has given me. Seeing the world through his eyes, without molding the world for him in my vision, is the most profound experience... there are no more words to finish that thought... it just is.<br />
<br />
Changing the world for your child means all of the above in this post. It means accepting your child for they show you they are, it means recognizing the joy and fulfillment they get from lining up toys in a neat row. It means helping them rise to their challenges so they can be the best of who they are. It means parenting not the way you wanted to parent but parenting the way your child needs you to. It means understanding the world is wearing blinders or stuck in its own rigidity because the impact your child has on it and the value they add to it is goes unnoticed. <br />
<br />
<i>That's not just autism, but all children would actually apply to the above, huh?</i><br />
<br />
<b>Daddy Autism:</b> Your child was put on this Earth to help you learn these lessons. You were put on this Earth to help your child grow wide in a narrow world. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="color: #660000;">
If you take nothing away from this post, please absorb this list based on the bold-ed points:</div>
<ul>
<li> We cannot be in control of our all our circumstances all the time. Life throws curveballs to which we can only react. We do get to control how we react to our circumstances. </li>
<li>We cannot dictate or decide what will make others happy and fulfilled. We can only recognize a fulfilled and happy person. </li>
<li>Through self-expression we are validated by those around us. Verbal communication is only a portion of the self-expression picture. In our culture it is the focal point, but that does not mean we are viewing the picture correctly.</li>
<li>It is our flaws that make us beautiful. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-11735906507473127112011-12-24T12:30:00.000-05:002011-12-24T12:30:02.567-05:00Merry Christmas Traditions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I'm going to stick to my Danish roots here and say that today is Christmas enough to say "Merry Christmas". Growing up, we celebrated both days of the holiday. You had dinner and exchanged gifts on December 24th. The following morning you opened what Santa put in your stocking or under the tree or both and just had a leisurely, simple breakfast (normally some kind of pastry), at lebkucken (not me cause I don't like it), and basked in the delight of the holiday. One formal celebration, on informal. I kinda miss the tradition and feel a little lost on Christmas Eve without it.<br />
<br />
My husband's family does not celebrate this way, but there are times when we've had Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. That really all depends on the rest of the family's schedule. The fist Christmas we spend with the my husband's family, the boy was only four, so I doubt he remembers his first three holidays. This is pretty much the only sort of celebration he knows. Sometimes it makes me sad because, as a parent, you want to share these things with your kid. You want to recreate the joy you had as kid with your kid. <br />
<br />
The one thing I do love about my in-laws traditions? No stress. My
family cannot seem to function with any measure of peace. Over the years, I came to dread certain parts of the festivities. The fights. The two days of cooking. The lack of sleep. The chaos. The who-is-not-coming-cause-they-are-mad-at-so-and-so. The you-can't-make-that-dish-that-way-so-its-easier. I can't
imagine subjecting my boy to the stress that used to abound. While I miss my childhood holidays, I do not miss the beast those holidays turned into. <br />
<br />
We do hang stockings at the grandparents house Christmas Eve... and when I say stockings, I mean the real deal. Legg's are hung on the chimney with care. It's actually a really neat and old fashioned tradition. To belay anticipation anxiety, we do let him open one gift Christmas Eve. Otherwise, he may literally explode from excitement. And I call today Christmas. <br />
<br />
(At this very second, the whining about opening a gift has started. Apparently, we let him open a gift at 10 am last year, so we are two hours late this year. I have no recollection of when we did last year, but an aspie never forgets. Still, I'm making him clean up his various messes before unwrapping.)<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Scrap Credits</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Betsy Tuma Snow kissed Christmas @ two peas in a bucket</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Deliscious Scraps Articliscious</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Kelly Jo Scraps Jingle Bell Rock Collab</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-74966273873545153032011-12-23T00:16:00.000-05:002011-12-23T00:16:31.839-05:00No witty title for this oneI am a mess. I'm not that happy Christmas kinda mess I normally am this time of year, but the oh, crap, I forgot to buy presents, bake cookies and mail cards kinda mess. My intestines, I am told, are fabulous. That's what happens when you have surgery in the middle of December.<br />
<br />
I've been scrapping to get into the holiday spirit. (It would really help
if it wasn't 60 plus degrees outside. I feel like I need to turn on the
air conditioning!) Here's a little card for everyone:<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjjGwwAEDomFOLKO3l0otXwPAvjy7c-T5DuSGCu34f-gKRsG_wSYsnj9FK8mRMp6D_FXxooOrOcu0qC2e8DEEo1RGv3FUsCm_8wicUHgYsrIQGL0voDTAtSEaZ8OVxdpDdKHA1r3zwZWPB/s1600/randomxmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjjGwwAEDomFOLKO3l0otXwPAvjy7c-T5DuSGCu34f-gKRsG_wSYsnj9FK8mRMp6D_FXxooOrOcu0qC2e8DEEo1RGv3FUsCm_8wicUHgYsrIQGL0voDTAtSEaZ8OVxdpDdKHA1r3zwZWPB/s640/randomxmas.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
<br />
Those are my two special guys in front of the tree. The picture was taken pre-invasive-hernia-surgery. I'm glad we decorated the house before I had the procedure because it wouldn't have happened otherwise. Aren't they handsome? <br />
<br />
Every year I take pictures of the kid in front of the tree once we are done decorating. I have nine years of a boy in his underpants, so this year was incredibly special. See that? He's wearing clothes! The best part? I didn't have to ask him, beg him, fuss with him or even prompt him. The idea of taking a picture not half naked was his very own idea!! Progress. The autsim gods are smiling upon us at the moment. <br />
<br />
The kit I used to make this festive piece is very special. Actually, it's a kit that made me misty-eyed to be candid. There is a Danish scrap designer whose blog I frequent. Being that my mom is directly from Denmark, I'm always thrilled to run into a Dane. Designers come in all flavors from Brazilian to French, but this is the first Dane designer I've ever seen. Naturally when I think of Denmark, I feel all nostalgic, warm and fuzzy inside that makes me feel almost home-sick for some reason. Maybe because I've always enjoyed my time there and want so badly to go back. (I also get hungry-- Danish food is soooo yummy. And no, they don't eat danishes, but there hot dogs rock.)<br />
<br />
I posted on her blog-- <a href="http://nothingbutfreebies.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Nothing But Freebies</a> -- a couple of weeks ago. The other day, I had a comment in my inbox (on another blog). She made me a Danish Christmas themed kit!! It was just about the nicest thing a stranger has done for me in as long as I can remember. Here's what she posted:<br />
<br />
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<blockquote>
The freebie I offer today is a special freebie. It is of course for all
of you but it was inspired by a comment I got the other day from Carrie
from Delaware and is therefore made especially for and dedicated to her
and her mother from Aalborg in northern Jutland, Denmark. The freebie
contains a lot of stuff associated with a good, old fashioned, Danish
Christmas. I have also included a text that means a lot to all Danes
around Christmas. It is an extraction from the Book "Peter's Christmas"
written in 1870 and still known to all children in Denmark. I have used
the fantastic illustration from the book to make a few elements for the
kit. Finally, I have helped all you non-Danish speaking friends around
the world by including a small word list giving you a few of the Danish
Christmas words in English.</blockquote>
<br />
Isn't that so sweet!! Here's the kit:<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC8Zgedfshcbn2CVmivd7jQef_vO89qPskgxPy5EjIcqXRx6YK9vmY55U9rxxzQuqUYx9vM_qa_ZwDDT1dwosesLIRYwomGLJ6VSr0O3vANYm6HYTtV_GVQffTb6k3Q8WQUBZSterZCBSe/s1600/Folder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC8Zgedfshcbn2CVmivd7jQef_vO89qPskgxPy5EjIcqXRx6YK9vmY55U9rxxzQuqUYx9vM_qa_ZwDDT1dwosesLIRYwomGLJ6VSr0O3vANYm6HYTtV_GVQffTb6k3Q8WQUBZSterZCBSe/s320/Folder.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Check out<a href="http://nothingbutfreebies.blogspot.com/2011/12/danish-christmas-and-lots-more.html" target="_blank"> the whole post and grab the kit</a> while you can!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Isn't it lovely? All the items are familiar to me... and make me wish my mom wasn't a thousand miles a way...<br />
<br />
I will be attempting the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pleated_Christmas_hearts">woven hearts</a> tomorrow, which are ornaments made from construction paper or card stock that form little heart shaped baskets. You fill the baskets with goodies and hang them from the tree. I've <a href="http://haabet.dk/users/julehjerter/making.html">never been good at making these</a>, but I'd love to master it enough to help the kid make some so he can learn to do something Danes do.<br />
<br />
<br />I am just so touched! What a nice reminder of the holiday spirit. Thank you, Trinne!!<br />
<br />
<br />
Even if this holiday has been side track by my ovaries and small intestines and even though I'm mess... and even though my house looks like a tornado hit it, I think its going to be a very memorable Christmas! <br />
<br />
Now I'm gonna wipe the sweat off myself, open a window and try to get some sleep...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-58614079204010972342011-12-13T10:59:00.001-05:002011-12-13T10:59:54.614-05:00Something Larger than YourselfMy kiddo, Matty, and his best friend, Sammy have been nerding out together for over a year now. I'm really quite impressed they have navigated the complicated social situations and hierarchies of neighborhood kids. I am tickled to see the two get into age appropriate trouble together, take up for each other and basically see their bond on display on a regular basis.<br />
<br />
Sammy is a great ally for Matt, helping him work through the more aspie moments and understanding when Matty needs space. He's been the autism ambassador for Matty when other kids have asked Matty "why are you so weird?" (true story. And it's autism kids that are supposed to have no filter?). As a mom, I can't imagine a better friend for my kid.<br />
<br />
<br />
Remember those days of childhood? One day so and so is friend and the next you have no clue what happened but you're treated like you have the plague. Or maybe it's your aren't cool enough. Or maybe you are different. Maybe you said no to peer pressure. Maybe you saw someone doing something dangerous or wrong and spoke up. Maybe so and so's friend is jealous and starts a rumor about you. We've all been there at some point in our lives. People are mean. Social situations can feel like a battlefield when you are the enemy. Unfortunately kids that are different are often the enemy. <br />
<br />
Navigating relationships and social situations as a NT person is <i>not</i> easy. If it were, shows like Jerry Springer would have never existed and Dr. Phil would be out of business. No one would get divorced and Congress would probably be an efficient governing body. No one would commit crimes because people would actually think their actions through. All the world's past and present ills would be erased. Let's face it: NT don't have the social aspect of humanity anywhere close to correct. If we did have it right, we'd be living in Utopia. Being different would be okay. <br />
<br />
I'm always a little amazed at the social judgement by NT people. I remember once my husband came home from a kid's birthday party with the kid. Hubby was utterly devastated because other parents made fun of him for not letting our chug can after can soda at five years old. I was shocked. I couldn't believe the judgement passed by other adults just because we helped our kid moderate his behavior, which saves our whole family from sugar-caffiene-crash hell. That judgement came from our choice being different from theirs. I see nothing wrong with teaching our kid how to make healthy choices in a social situation. Cause you know, binge drinking isn't cool at parties. At the same rate, I'm not gonna judge you for letting your child consume their body weight in soda on their birthday or at a party. <br />
<br />
People seem to forget the old saying when you live in a glass houses shouldn't throw stones? I have met a lot of people who could really benefit from social skills training that are well outside the autism community. During a political campaign season, all you have to do is read the news or turn on the television to remind you that humans suck at social skills in general. <br />
<br />
This subject, that people are mean to others who are different, ended up playing out in my house the other day. You see, Matty and Sammy have always been open to including new kids in their exploits, but no one has really fit. By fit, I mean no kid has ever been able to hang with the differences of Matty and Sammy in a larger group of kids. Those two always end up being social pariahs (and mostly Sammy by the default of liking and sticking up for my son). There was no third kid with (early) Musketeer ethics (cause don't the Musketeers have a falling out later in life?). <br />
<br />
That changed a couple of weeks ago. Enter Teddy. Teddy was a quiet kid, I thought. Matty and Sammy were practically ga-ga over his skateboarding skills. There was no posturing or pretense. He is just a down to earth kid. Teddy is helping the other boys with their skateboard tricks. He just... fits. The two boys made Teddy's visits seem like Tony Hawk himself was showing up at my door. <br />
<br />
The other day, Matty told my hubby that Teddy didn't like to speak to people. The kid explained that it wasn't because Teddy was shy or dumb, but because he has a speech impediment. I think it bothered Matty that this really cool, new friend of his didn't think of himself this way. The hubby suggested Matty share his own diagnosis because he can relate to being different.<br />
<br />
My kid did just that. He shared with Teddy, he also encouraged Teddy. Different does equal shameful. A speech impediment doesn't mean you have less to say; It just means you have work a bit harder to say it. My kid can certainly relate to communication issues. No one had to say that Teddy has probably faced relentless ridicule by his peers and stigma by adults because of a speech impediment. We know what's its like in this house to be different. <br />
<br />
My kid told his friend that there was no shame in being different. Matty related to his new friend in a way that not many others could. Sammy lent support. In the words of Temple Grandin's mother (which I often use myself) different is not less. Different, not less. <br />
<br />
Turns out Teddy has a lot to say. The shy, quiet kid blossomed in my living room. And yes, he does have a speech impediment, but that day it didn't stop him from opening up, chatting away with the boys in front of us parents. He stopped giving me one word answers and there was no silent shaking 'yes' or 'no' of the head. Teddy's whole demeanor changed as his words danced around the room.<br />
<br />
Later, when they went outside to skate, you could hear Teddy for the first time hooting and hollering like a boy should. I didn't mind the loudness this time. That noise was a result of my boy who related to and encourage a friend, not by spotlighting sameness, but by relating and embracing differences. My son took on the challenge of expressing his feelings and thoughts in a way that his friend completely understood. I still feel misty eyed thinking about the positive impact my kid had on his friend's life at that moment, helped a friend remember the power of his voice. <br />
<br />
While discussing the boys love for Teddy, my hubby questioned what made Teddy so special to them. I told my husband that the logic to it is simple. Here are two boys who aren't like the other kids around them. They know it. They've been excluded. Teddy adds a piece to that-- he can relate to them. There is strength in numbers. As people, we all want to part of something larger than ourselves-- even if you have an impairment.<br />
<br />
Yep, I'm one proud mom. <br />
<br />
P.S. I'm sorry if I'm all over the place. For one, I'm outta practice writing. For two, I had surgery yesterday and am loving my pain meds at the moment. <br />
<br />
P.P.S. <b style="color: purple;">Later this week, I will be making a really, super exciting announcement!! </b>So stay tuned!! I've been working hard (with the help of some friends) to bring our autism community something really special. <br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-21857051005428238012011-12-06T07:53:00.001-05:002011-12-06T08:36:18.103-05:00Children of Autism in the Military: An American Fail<b>That's right. I said FAIL. </b><br />
<br />
One would think that the military in this country would be leading the charge to serve children with autism because their parents do so much for our country. Like sacrificing lives and such? Their families move around all the time without complaint, they lose a parent to deployment over and over again, and are giving of themselves in countless ways us civilian people would say 'oh hell no' to.<br />
<br />
I have a girlfriend who spent her summer so excited about her husband being stationed state-side, only for the fall surprise that the military changed their minds. Not only did the family have move to another country, they lost all her furniture, too. She spent months living out of a suitcase, pregnant, alone with two small kids. I think she's one of the bravest, most adventurous women I know.<br />
<br />
Could you imagine doing that with a child on the spectrum? One word: Hell.<br />
<br />
This morning, Diary of a Mom's blog made a <a href="http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2011/12/06/a-rant-a-book-and-a-plea-for-help">heart felt plea</a>. Contrary to what we civies think, the military is redefining the word 'under-served' for the autism community. It's inspired me to post this, before I've had even one cup of coffee this morning (so if it seems like there are more typos and word omissions than usual, you know why) and meant putting aside the other brilliant post I was working on for you. I am utterly outraged at this under-service.<br />
<br />
Did you know only one in eighty-eight children receive valuable interventions for autism if their parents are in the military? Again, that's 1 child and 1 family getting the needed help, support and therapies out of 88. It's... it's... UNACCEPTABLE. These children didn't sign up for substandard care and they didn't sign up for the Armed Services. The fact they are in military families without choice comes with a certain expectation: That our government will support them because their parents are supporting us.<br />
<br />
We have all failed. It isn't just the military, it's us. We've allowed this to happen by not speaking up. The good news is that it's not to late to fix it. With <a href="http://cmkaa.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/one-click">ONE CLICK</a>, you can make a difference by asking our leaders to support the Caring for Military Kids with Autism Act- H.R. 2288. You can let your congress-person know you want this travesty <b>corrected</b>.<br />
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<a href="http://cmkaa.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/one-click">This click</a> is brought to you by the tireless work of a mom and Army wife: Rachel Kenyon. Her dedication brings us the ability to speak out, speak up and help our fellow autism parents who also happen to be actively serving our country. It takes no time at all. I did it in between sips of coffee. Rachel doesn't believe <a href="http://www.hopefulparents.org/blog/2011/7/17/personal.html">the cavalry is coming</a> for her cause, but I say it is now on it's way. Get on your horses, moms and dads, aunts and uncles, grandparents and all! Let's be known as a formidable force in Washington, D.C. (I know my congressman must see my emails and think 'it's this chick again... just give her what she wants')<br />
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When you are done emailing your congress people, consider another holiday gift for our brave military families by donating time or money <a href="http://www.acttodayformilitaryfamilies.org/">HERE</a>. Your gift will keep military parents from drowning in therapy bills and provide for their immediate needs. Let's face it, bills are slow to pass and our politicians are confused at the moment. Our personal donations make a difference here and now while we wait for the rest to follow. <br />
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<b>One more thing:</b> When you are done all that good stuff. Share those links on your favorite social media sites. <b><i>Spread the word, change a life. </i></b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-79519690788368205372011-12-03T21:43:00.001-05:002011-12-03T21:50:02.383-05:00Holiday ScrapI have spent a relaxing evening scrapping while the hubby took care of dinner. I used a photo my sis in law took of my inlaws on Thanksgiving. I used <a href="http://www.shabbyprincess.com/">Shabby Princess's</a> Harvest. Plentiful and Dinner Party kids (all are free to download). <br />
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I also made a Christmas background for my computer using a kit I fell in love with from <a href="http://shop.scrapbookgraphics.com/Natali-Design/">Natlai Design</a>:<br />
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Happy Scrapping, everyone! <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-84165797507894402312011-12-02T15:28:00.001-05:002011-12-02T17:57:11.271-05:00No matter how it's packaged, hate is still hateI've been called a lot of things by a lot of people in my lifetime, but this past week marks the first time I've ever been called 'racist'. I've had a particular fellow call me racist over a hundred times, actually. Sure, I've had some not so nice words hurled at me in passing, but being called racist for agreeing with someone on the issues that many black people have to still deal with in this day and age? Well, it was mind blowing.<br />
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I'm not even sure how I got sucked into the conversation. The only thing that I can think is the particular person who spent more than his allotted 140 characters on Twitter doing so engages in this behavior for the sake of publicity. I would imagine he mines Twitter for hashtages, like #tcot (a conservative tag) for people to debate. I use the term loosely because a debate implies reciprocity and arguing facts, neither is something this tweeter believes in. For the sake of simplicity and as not to satisfy his craving for attention, I will refer to him as Mr. C. <br />
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I've always been of the mindset that unless you talk about these icky, tough subjects, people will continue to face discrimination. The Tea Party has made speaking negatively about race in code socially acceptable. We've gone from an open dialogue to no dialogue at all simply because we have a black president. The key to undermining non-whites it to not talk about the problems and injustices they face. Therefore, I'm always willing to discuss the topic.<br />
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Truth be told, I was very happy to join in what I thought would be stimulating conversation. I was looking forward to learning new points of view, mental enrichment and the chance to talk about something that matters (besides my kid and husband). Others in the conversation seemed to be really ganging up on Mr. C, which I felt bad for. I did not let them influence my opinion of him.<br />
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Mr. C happens to have a blog and a Ustream broadcast, which I happily perused. I found him an articulate, compelling writer. He makes a lot of very valid and important points about racism. His appeared to have good insight into the problems his culture is facing internally and externally. I was jazzed to get to pick his brain, listen to his thoughts and share mine with him.<br />
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I was warned by one in the conversation, a conservative, that Mr. C would do nothing but attack me. I laughed that off. Surely a man like Mr. C is compelled to have intelligent conversations. Surely his arguments and points stood on their own merits. A person like him doesn't need to stoop to insults in order to prove his point.<br />
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The others in the conversation that agreed with the conservative of the group, I thought, may be ultra conservatives as well. I think I stated something along the lines that I was a big girl and would form my own opinions; I don't feel I need to be liked by someone to agree with them.<br />
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Now, I'm not sure whether to show you how the conversation transpired or describe the craziness to you. All I know is that I have never in all my years encountered anything like it and I spent years being the only white person in the room. <br />
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Maybe I'll do both. I'm renaming the those in the conversation and putting my thoughts in italics. Here goes:<br />
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Mr. B: just wait until Mr. C goes off on him then redguy may change his tune!<br />
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Me: BTW, I'm a girl (<i>cause we all know Pooping Red Guy is my blog and also an action figure</i>).<br />
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Mr. C: Pooping Red "GUY" is a girl? How damn DUMB is that? (<i>not a very grown up way to start a conversation with someone you've talked to, but I let it ride. I thought perhaps it was humor at my absurd screen name.</i>)<br />
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(Now I'm not really good at looking back at old tweets, so I can't pull up the entire conversation. Somehow we stumbled onto racial division. I'm all for maintaining cultural identity, but I also am for diversity. I know the two can be achieved simultaneously. That's a good thing, too, because we can share our cultures with others so that we learn from one another. Also, we can enjoy what those cultures have to offer. It's a win-win.) <br />
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One thing that irritates me to no end (and I've heard over and over again from many black people) is when a white person says "I'm not a racists because I have some black friends". It's not a statement that screams "not racist". You are immediately identifying your black friends as black, and not just as your friends. I don't say "I'm not a homopbobe because I have some gay friends" and a man can't say "I'm not a misogynist because I have some women friends". By making those sort of statements you pigeon holing your friends by race, gender and sexual preference with is very much the founding idea in any sort of bigotry. I really wish white people would stop saying they can't be racists because they have black friends. I have actually known racist people who have black friends... the argument holds no water.<br />
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Me: By saying "my kid has a black friend" you are immediately dividing people by race.<br />
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Mr. B: race was divided in the country when the white man stole country from the native Americans! (<i>this is a good point, but just because something was or is doesn't mean it should be or is okay</i>) <br />
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Me: ...so it's fine to keep it divided?<br />
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Mr. C: And yes Racists should be "divided" from the Blacks that they seek to destroy. (<i>taking this at face value, it seems like a reasonable, understandable sentiment</i>. personally, <i>I'd be happy if we could take racists out of the equation because they are so hateful and hurtful. I'm not sure it's the answer to ending racism, though, nor is it logistically possible.</i>)<br />
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<i>Now the conversation goes on in a dizzying kind pace and since Mr. C goes over his 140 character allotment, there's a lot of new windows opening up. In any care, Mr. R (another participant), asks me an interesting question. </i><br />
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Mr. R: You eat yet? You seem dumber today. Is poop
a racist?<br />
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<i>I can't find my response, but I said something to effect that I can't judge that since racism is more about the perception of the person's ideas and actions. I've never been called racist, but that if I was than it could be the case. If so, I'd have to re-evaluate my actions. The point was missed as Mr. C interpreted this differently than it was meant.</i><br />
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Mr C: Come on Racist NUT Mr. R. Did you really think this Racist Poop was sincere about not being a
Racist and not realizing you were? "My[Racist] kid has a Black
friend..." do you know how fucking DUMB that is?<br />
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<i>The funny part part is that a) I never said I was racists and b) I hadn't heard enough from any of these folks to determine any overt racism. It should be noted that I really don't understand what Mr. C is trying to convey here. I also find it sad that he's now implied a small child is racist. The kid can't be more than 4 or 5 years old...</i><br />
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I ignored the comment. I became quite clear that my hopes of intelligent, thought provoking, enriching conversation with Mr. C were woefully dashed. I found the others were much better conversationalists and my only chance for any meaningful banter on the topic. There are two people I haven't mentioned yet, but were also late comers in thread: Mr. A, a college student, and Mr. G, an artist, father, philosopher. Some others were in and out of the thread, but not nearly as memorable as Mr. B, Mr. R, Mr. A, and Mr. G (in order of appearance).<br />
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Unfortunately, Mr. C spent the remainder of the conversation calling the white speakers racist and the black speakers sell outs. Mind you, this conversation started November 27th and is still going on (it's December 2nd). The real substance of the discussion has come from unexpected sources, for which I am grateful to have made new friends that I can disagree with and then joke around with, while also learning something. <br />
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I admit to teasing and egging Mr. C on. It's frankly an exercise in human behavior to see how he reacts to a variety of statements. I imagine that's what the others do, too. It's like watching a train crash over and over again. I do find it sad that this poor man has so much hatred spewing out of him. No one should have to carry that burden. I imagine he's had some pretty whacked up experiences to have become the man he is today. <br />
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I also suspect he has some sort of personality disorder. When I unfollowed him because I was tired of hate speech flooding my Twitter time line, he initiated conversation with me (saying he won an argument we weren't having) and then followed me. That typically doesn't happen when someone doesn't like you and thinks you are racist. It's simply not normal behavior.<br />
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For instance, take this tweet I made this morning:<br />
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Anger is painful and shortens your life. No one deserves to live with
such a rage inside of them &limits them from connecting w/ fellow
man <br />
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Then he replies to it to say:<br />
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Racist insults about Black "anger" make you feel better but it doesn't
make an argument. Suggesting that I'm "angry" that you're a Racist won't
help you win the argument. Remember your happiness is based on your
"winning" so why not get on the right side of the issue and STOP BEING
RACIST so you can win? I'm not "angry" because your DUMB White Racist
ass can't argue your way out of a paper bag, I'm disappointed that you
aren't more of a foe.<br />
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Words can't express how sad his response is... for one, he apparently never read anything I've written in the days long conversation (I said I'd rather be happy than win), secondly, when I've agreed with him, he argued with me and called me names and thirdly if I'm such an evil racist and his foe, why on earth is bothering with me? I could say the sky is blue and that would make me racist for not seeing a green sky that is blue. It's just silly. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsP-lA2v8iArebtWTMn2mR6T3gyaer0TIL6RNaRBveAE7mmdk5yefT2-KE_iBgqtKYXXNwBCYWsUDEOBg68mQW4lGd5CM90HYZgutrZSyakSBdc5sSbePrVsMLJo5S9Ug8CgoHmmYN-8Gl/s1600/tckak1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsP-lA2v8iArebtWTMn2mR6T3gyaer0TIL6RNaRBveAE7mmdk5yefT2-KE_iBgqtKYXXNwBCYWsUDEOBg68mQW4lGd5CM90HYZgutrZSyakSBdc5sSbePrVsMLJo5S9Ug8CgoHmmYN-8Gl/s320/tckak1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I made this for Mr. C & sent it to him. Maybe he can sleep better now?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm adding the sidebar that I won't be surprised if Mr. C goes ballistic because I didn't use his name in this post. I also predict he'll read it and call bring out the racist nut bit, perhaps even using retaliatory measures. If any of this comes to fruition, I will add it here. I've got my popcorn... </span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">do you?</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-53884860653162733222011-11-23T11:54:00.001-05:002011-11-23T12:28:28.973-05:00#youmightbeanautismparentifSomething utterly wonderful happened this week on Twitter. A hashtag was created: <a class=" twitter-hashtag pretty-link" href="http://twitter.com/#%21/search?q=%23youmightbeanautismparentif" rel="nofollow" title="#youmightbeanautismparentif"><s class="hash">#</s><b>youmightbeanautismparentif. </b></a><br />
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It's been called cathartic, sad, touching, awesome, wonderful, funny... and mostly so TRUE. As parents with children on the spectrum come together to share succinct messages about what it <i>really</i> means to have an autistic child. Because time prevents a long, drawn out post (day before Thanksgiving and all), I've snipped a few of my <i>many</i> favorite posts and some of my own insights on what its like to have an autistic child. Each of these tweets are worthy of their own posts... actually, every tweet with this hashtag deserves an post. <br />
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I feel so blessed and thankful at this moment... words cannot describe what this hashtag has done for me. I wish I could hug every single one these #youmightbeanautismparentif tweeps. They get it. <i>They really, really get it</i>. It's an invaluable topic that I believe is not going to go away any time soon. </div>
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When I think that less than fifty years ago people didn't talk about autism. Parents were told to put their kids away for life and to try again... as if autistic children were defective products recalled by a company. I wonder if the first advocates of autism, the first generation of parents to speak out could have ever envisioned what happened this week? </div>
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I'm giving my thanks tomorrow to the first few that said "Autism isn't a death sentence", despite society's view (a society who had the approval of the medical and psychiatric community). </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-64200665940062080012011-10-24T11:56:00.000-04:002011-10-24T12:19:22.496-04:00Halloween Fun<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://s112.photobucket.com/albums/n200/keldakitty/?action=view&current=5768_1174378408577_1501574229_30479880_6504227_n-1.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="239" src="http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n200/keldakitty/5768_1174378408577_1501574229_30479880_6504227_n-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautful stone work at the cemetery. Photo by C. Arick </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_0">We have a</span> cemetery near our house that is a beautiful and historic. My
family happens to really love the paranormal, which means we really love
Halloween. My husband and I also dabble in paranormal investigations in
our free time. As part of a homeschool lesson for our son, I
decided <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_1">last Friday</span> that it was the perfect time take a Halloween themed field trip. Paranormal
investigations require interesting tools- tools that are great for
teaching science, on top of the interesting history lessons you learn
researching your investigation area. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
About <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_2">5 pm</span>,
after my son did some research on out town's history, we gathered our
ghost hunting gear, installed fresh batteries, gave each piece a test
run to ensure it was working and headed to the little cemetery. We employed a
digital voice
recorder, a digital camera, a <a href="http://www.ghost-tech.com/franks.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_3">ghost box</span></a>,
and EMF detector. We snapped some photos and started our EVP session.
We enjoyed reading the old headstones and imagining the people's
stories. My son kept a keen lookout for our town's more famous residents,
like Capt. William Russell. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I took out our
ghost box and turned it on. There was only one problem: no sound! It
was strange because I had just replaced the batteries and tested 15
minutes ago (we live about a minute by car from the cemetery). I
fiddled with it, a little peeved because its not cheap, but no matter
what I did I could not get sound from it. We've had the ghost box for a
couple of years and used it many times never encountering such a
malfunction. I ended up putting it away to fix when we got home, bummed
that it might be dead. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A few minutes
later, my son called to me. He found a
headstone that intrigued him. It was small and marked differently than
the others. It simply said 'INFANT 1896-1896'. I headed over to him with
digital recorder in hand. When I got near to the headstone, I hit
record on the recorder. I remarked that I couldn't imagine what it was
like to lose a child (though I could, I said this for my son's benefit) adding that the loss was so sad. I wondered who the child belonged to, but before I
could really study the surrounding graves to match baby with mother, my
son was off somewhere else. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A little while
later, as the sun started to set, we concluded our investigation. Other
than the ghost box malfunction, there was nothing out of the ordinary at
the cemetery. We got into the car and I decided to check the ghost box
to see if it was working yet. Yep, it worked, much to my relief. My son
asked to see it, so I handed to him. He rolled down his window and stuck
the box out of the car at
which point the sound from the box immediately ceased. I had no
explanation for it. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We went home and
immediately started reviewing our digital voice recordings. We had about
10 minute long bursts of recordings. My son got bored after the third
recording, so I let him go do his own thing while I put on my headphones
and kept reviewing. I came to the recording of the infant gravestone.
Much to my surprise, a voice stuck out like a sore thumb not only to my
ears, but in the visual frequency graph, too. The following links are
snippets of those recordings, raw and amplified:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNpwKrmvAJ0I0iCJF2HXEnIJb96lVnnvECcPZTvc6EA02cO-MPCOrmqy63to1yFkAr473KSTselRRx9GMmBmK4hw8596gLEu4hcEJjOQFiCoJ3yaUN3QnQ4fkA3wF2J4QQqn5G8KlNvHbz/s1600/crossheadstone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNpwKrmvAJ0I0iCJF2HXEnIJb96lVnnvECcPZTvc6EA02cO-MPCOrmqy63to1yFkAr473KSTselRRx9GMmBmK4hw8596gLEu4hcEJjOQFiCoJ3yaUN3QnQ4fkA3wF2J4QQqn5G8KlNvHbz/s320/crossheadstone.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Old headstone Rendering by C. Arick</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<a href="http://www.divshare.com/download/16009708-8ed" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_4">http://www.divshare.com/download/16009708-8ed </span></a><br />
<span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_4"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<a href="http://www.divshare.com/download/16010289-e29" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_5">http://www.divshare.com/download/16010289-e29</span></a><br />
<br />
<div style="color: red;">
<i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_4">I know it says download, but if you click the link, you can listen to the recordings directly at the site! </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1319470991_5"><br /></span></i></div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_1_13194709798911935">
I
won't tell you what I hear, but will say that I thought it was a
relevant comment to the subject matter at the time. It was also the only
thing we recorded for which I did not have an explanation. We look
forward to going back to see if we can repeat the results from our
little field trip soon.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: orange;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Happy Halloween!! </b></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<i>Do you believe in ghosts? Have any ghost stories you want to tell? </i><br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-11002658093474615352011-10-16T20:50:00.000-04:002011-10-16T20:50:26.604-04:00Skateboarding: Who Knew?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgylKF1jSaZ18g28J2VJ9JNjb_m7DoIXIqYrZ9CxTYFXmslnIZGZI5wNXghHT20IOgG3PM6ISiI66Yq0SVJtU9CkF60_VEfhvUN1JI0tkxgXj7agBmt2OE0Ik9M87Ag9CL2exhYqWrnPpP2/s1600/20111009_16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgylKF1jSaZ18g28J2VJ9JNjb_m7DoIXIqYrZ9CxTYFXmslnIZGZI5wNXghHT20IOgG3PM6ISiI66Yq0SVJtU9CkF60_VEfhvUN1JI0tkxgXj7agBmt2OE0Ik9M87Ag9CL2exhYqWrnPpP2/s320/20111009_16.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
Never in my life did I pet my clumsy (like his mom), vision impaired child (worse than his mom... they don't make a prescription strong enough for his eyes... a disease is suspected, but we won't know until he's a little older) as an athlete. Yet, he's turning out to be just that. The sport? Skateboarding. <br />
<br />
My son has been practicing religiously since April. He's
moving his body, making friends and learning very important life
lessons. He's overcoming his lack of vision and developing coordination. He's getting a huge sense of accomplishment as he hones his skills. We watch professional skateboarders on television. <br /><br />
I never realized skateboarding was an actual sport, but I'm learning its value. Living near the beach, we have no shortage of kids who enjoy skating and surfing. I've never seen so many kids skateboarding in my life until I moved here. I never minded the skating activity in our old neighborhood or around our one shopping center because you know exactly what those kids are doing: skating. They are focused. They are staying out of trouble. They are being kids, not little gangsters or hoodlums. Now my child, who is at that age where he is more independent and doesn't always have his parents around to guide him to the good, healthy choice is benefiting from that focus. <br />
<br />
Skating has become an obsession for my boy, which is okay by me. It's socially appropriate. He has skater friends. He made a new friend because of his interest in skating. A new friend. That's huge! The older skateboarding kids (some of them in their twenties) take a big brother approach with the younger ones. He learning how to interact in a variety of new and challenging social situations. He's figuring out how to literally and figuratively think on his feet. I'm not sure that would be possible in any other traditional sport where you are coached and guided by adults. This is a free-range sport that's self, peer and community guided. I can't think of another way where he could get this sorta education.<br />
<br />
The local skate stores know who my son is and love talking to him about skating. Our favorite store, <a href="http://liquidboardshop.com/">Liquid</a>, gave my kid (or rather his grandparents) a great deal on new parts for his skateboard and some stickers to cover up their corporate competitors stickers on the bottom of his deck (which I've learned is the proper name for the wood part of a skateboard). My kid completes all the interaction himself with the clerks and shopkeepers. To hear them talk is like listening to another language, but it's nice to hear that your kid knows his stuff.<br />
<br />
Our area lacks an actual designated skate park, so in the next town over a church has donated part of its parking lot for a mini-skate park. Kids and their parents, shop owners and enthusiasts have donated and built ramps and other neat skate equipment for the area. I never knew skaters would have such a sense of community, but I'm glad they are influencing my son. <br />
<br />
I don't know if this is just another aspie phase, but until he's done with it we will encourage him. We will help him foster self-confidence through the sport of skateboarding. We'll support the skater community and local businesses that support him. And we'll guide him through the social lessons so that he can continue to grow and thrive. Skaters don't care if you have autism as long as you skate.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>I'm going to take the time to give accolades to the church where the skate park is located:</b> <i>This particular church is extremely active in the county, helping families and the community like nothing I've ever seen before. The funny part is this church's congreation is made up largely of the gay, lesbian, transexual and transgender residents of our county. I often think to myself that all churches should be like this church. My husband had an office there and we have friends that attend that church. If I were to go to church, it would have to be this one. Acceptance is an amazing thing and it is a rock in our community. </i><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/TJqFcTPbjx4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-44946874442162910332011-09-28T10:50:00.001-04:002011-09-28T10:59:18.033-04:00Glee's Sugar not so sweetI am a total Gleek. My husband and I faithfully DVR every new episode to watch undisturbed. In our house Glee is an event. We put the boy to bed, grab our snacks, turn off the phones and settle in for an hour of laughter, drama, and music. There are times when we have to hit pause just so we can spend ten minutes delving into philosophical conversation about the relationship between Sue and Will. We found that ourselves almost pooping our pants in anticipation of this season's premiere episode.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN8AIihorKvVWJm9GtAverJdjK6XMoRtfHZSVB44kQkscVP6jEA-ewu96IiYbuWMoCrjwkpYBZ9waqW4mIf4GZAcfh7UUCe8mi9KBqugpA05PQi5YYyAa3S59ZwMQyfJLfm_xjMvZHWDi-/s1600/300px-SugarTPPP.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN8AIihorKvVWJm9GtAverJdjK6XMoRtfHZSVB44kQkscVP6jEA-ewu96IiYbuWMoCrjwkpYBZ9waqW4mIf4GZAcfh7UUCe8mi9KBqugpA05PQi5YYyAa3S59ZwMQyfJLfm_xjMvZHWDi-/s320/300px-SugarTPPP.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://glee.wikia.com/wiki/Sugar_Motta">Image from Gleewiki</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Something odd occurred during the season premiere: We saw our kid on television. Okay, not really our kid, but someone like our kid. Her name is Sugar Motta, a "self-diagnosed" aspie girl. My jaw hit the floor when she said "... which means I can pretty much say whatever I want. " because my boy just went through this phase. (Part of the reason why I haven't had time to post is because he decided having Asperger's could give him a free pass to do and say whatever he liked. Thankfully, we have moved past that for the most part.)<br />
<br />
<i>I won't get into how offensive it is to hear over and over again that there is something wrong with having a "stereotypical" aspie kid. If there is anything I have taken from this debate it's that the autism community does not accept stereotypical aspie kids or their parents. </i><br />
<br />
I can't say I know what the writer's intentions with this charcter is or what the future will hold for her. What I can say is that I recognized some of my kid in her. Spoiled, check. Egotistical, check. Rude, check. Smart-mouthed, check. Manipulative, check. Of course, he's not that way all the time, but he certainly has those moments-- <u><b><i>a lot</i></b></u> of them in the past month. One of his biggest challenges is learning not to tell people how much smarter and more skilled he is than his peers. Most of the time it's true, but there are times when he over-estimates his abilities landing him in a socially awkward pickle. His reaction is much like Sugar's reaction to being rejected membership in the glee club. She calls Will a "Broadway wanna-be", then angrily storms off. Been there, done that.<br />
<br />
I can say that after watching the second show I'm sure Sugar isn't autistic. My god, she gave out a hug without a thought to someone she hardly knew! My kid would never, ever do that unless it was family. He hugs family because that is his routine. Does that make me hate the character? Nope. It wouldn't be the first time Glee faked a disability--remember Tina and her stuttering? I'm okay with that because being a regular teenager is hard and you couldn't pay me to go back. <br />
<br />
<br />
Now most of the autism community is outraged by this portrayal of a self-diagnosed autistic young lady using AS to as a free pass. Sugar was not a well received character. Twitter, Facebook, the entire Blogosphere was all abuzz with criticism. The character is viewed as stereo-typical and insulting to those with Asperger's. For a good summation of those thoughts and feelings, I suggest Beth Arky's post at <a href="http://www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2011-9-22-glees-aspergers-plot-creates-stir">The Child Mind Institute</a>. I'm not going into detail, mostly because I'm feeling lazy and want to eat my gyro leftover from last night's dinner.<br />
<br />
I happen to hold the less popular view that Sugar is an interesting character. I don't find myself taking offense, maybe because I am raising a stereotypical aspie kid? Or maybe because I'm okay with television writer's taking liberties with things that effect humans. I'm certainly more okay with Sugar than I am with journalist saying autistic kids lack empathy. That <i>really</i> gets up my nose. I don't watch Glee to be educated; I watch it to be entertained. It's great when a work of fiction gets us thinking, actually I prefer that, but I don't get my <i>facts</i> from hour long musical show.<br />
<br />
I think what surprises me most about this debate is the fact that the autism community took a first impression and made a very harsh judgement. One thing I've learned from autism is that a first impression isn't the the time to pass judgement. You just don't know what's underneath the surface in five minutes of character introduction.<br />
<br />
I think the autism community is having a knee-jerk reaction, which I can understand. Getting people to really and truly understand autism is hard, hard work. There's a lot of discrimination, a lot of "you're just saying that so your kid's behavior is excused". I get that. I've lived that. Yet, does a history of experiences with others' knee-jerk reactions justify us having our own? <br />
<br />
Julia Bascom's blog post, <a href="http://juststimming.wordpress.com/2011/09/26/sugar-self-diagnosis-appropriation-and-ableism-so-heres-what-you-missed-on-glee/">Just Stimming</a>, makes a very good point that I will leave you with (and I reccommend you <b></b>read her entire post on the subject):<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Anyone who thinks that Sugar’s actions won’t be addressed hasn’t been
paying attention to how the show works for the past two years. Anyone
who thinks that her plot has <i>anything</i> to do with actual autism,
or the issue of self-identification in the autistic community, is
putting assumptions into play that the show has never expressed an
interest in. And anyone who thinks she is written as actually autistic,
as some parents have been suggesting, has some serious ableism of their
own to unpack.</i></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-6364657402728603882011-09-08T09:00:00.000-04:002011-09-08T09:00:11.261-04:00Natural Diaster Week not enough for you?<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjviZvJbu3G7XFHCpQBDZBwARQJjStuTuhFLFqwEoVoKvUo01d0idDkFWQA_13VNMs1mfQVUaw24d59IzqopSqLbL_GaSmTih0fooHUNMgbxpIC6EI-56qjilz3qzQeS-xy0YZiNjN79cW3/s1600/151489-hurricane-irene.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjviZvJbu3G7XFHCpQBDZBwARQJjStuTuhFLFqwEoVoKvUo01d0idDkFWQA_13VNMs1mfQVUaw24d59IzqopSqLbL_GaSmTih0fooHUNMgbxpIC6EI-56qjilz3qzQeS-xy0YZiNjN79cW3/s320/151489-hurricane-irene.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo:NASA/NOAA GOES Project Hurricane Irene </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There was a lot of complaining in our little state that the news media and officials gave too much hype to <a href="http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-hurricanes">Hurricane</a> Irene. I think <a href="http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/delaware/item/25866-why-irene-wasnt-a-letdown">THIS</a> cartoon, by <a href="http://delawarepunchline.com/">Rob Torone</a>, sums it up best. For those who think it was over-hyped: Did you really want find out what mega-flooding is and are you expecting weather forecasters and public officials to make guarantees that loss of life and property are going to occur? <br />
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We don't have the science for those guarantees... except with this storm those terrible things did occur. It's just that we got lucky. Really, really lucky... except for those people who had their homes and vehicles destroyed. And the farmers who lost crops and livestock... and the businesses that were flooded. Oh, and the people who died. So I guess you could say that the people who were merely inconvenienced were annoyed at being inconvenienced without thinking about the actual people and communities that had tremendous losses on the Delmarva Peninsula. Plus, it really damaged my garden, which had been a labor of love... :(<br />
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<i>Don't worry, inconvenienced people! You'll see that devastation show up in your rising grocery budget. Economic devastation does trickles down. Actually, that economic impact can be compared to a river at flood stage.</i><br />
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I personally think our area needed Irene to test the mettle of its newest emergency plan. Good news: It worked! Whether one thinks it was dramatized or not, we now know that we can face a potential mega-disaster with relative calm because we've been through the Irene Drill. I would venture to guess that many, many homes now have an <a href="http://www.ready.gov/">emergency kit and plan</a>. I know we have ours. As a state, we are ready to face whatever nature throws at us while hoping we don't have to face it. <br />
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If there's one thing I've taught my son, it's that he needs to respect Mother Nature. You cannot master the forces of the Earth, so never underestimate them. What you can do is be prepared and practice good safety measures to minimize it's impact. It's a great method for helping kids feel like they have some measure of control over their own environment when things don't feel all that stable.<br />
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The week of natural disasters, everything was shaky-- emotionally, mentally and <i>physically</i>. I think everyone was on edge because the hurricane was preceded by an earthquake. I think that got everyone ready to expect the unexpected. But maybe there was a big let down that this was not the end of the world or enough to have our area featured in one of those Discovery Channel mega disaster shows? <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(The Delmarva Peninsula has the grand privilege of amplifying earthquake waves. They say the quake we felt was only a 2 on the Richter Scale. It'd hate to feel a three! Our house turned into a shaky kidde-coaster. The house went up and down and side to side, with enough motion to pop up floor board nails, disconnect some plumbing and pop plastic siding out of place. I'm ready to move into a sturdier structure!)</span><br />
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Did I want to find out how my home reacts to an earthquake and a hurricane happening within a week of each other? Not really. Did I mind the forecasters saying "get away from water!"? Not at all, especially since our little town floods whenever we have heavy rains. Did I want to find out how autism and hurricanes mix? Not on your life. Earthquakes and <a href="http://www.ready.gov/america/getakit/disabled.html">autism</a> don't do well together, so I was not about to lump in the potential storm of the century. <br />
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We opted for a "hurrication". Instead of going to a shelter, instead of going through the anxiety of a storm, we went to visit my parents in upstate New York. We beat the traffic by leaving a day before everything was officially evacuated. We packed up all the essentials, including our <a href="http://www.ready.gov/america/getakit/pets.html">pets</a>-- who did really well on a 9 hours car trip-- and hit the open road. <br />
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We hadn't had a vacation in two years and after our crazy, stressful summer, it was time. We had an awesome and relaxing time... except for Saturday night when we watched the news with bated breath to see if our area survived the storm. It did survive, mainly due to the preparation measures (yay for a sandbagged library). So, instead of riding out a hurricane, my boy rode on <a href="http://www.seabreeze.com/">roller coasters</a>. He was happy and relaxed rather than having anxiety induced meltdowns. <br />
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I'm not sure what people expected to happen? Did they want more death and destruction to feel like the weekend wasn't wasted? I'm not really sure. Perhaps they aren't educated in the art of hurricane prediction and forecasting? Or maybe they don't realize that the media can get into a lot of trouble for over-hyping a hurricane? You know, forecasters aren't allowed to cause mass panic.<br />
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When the people on The Weather Channel get deadly serious and have a somber tone-- dropping the meteorologist boner tone- <i>we need to listen</i>. When governors go on the airwaves speaking to the populous like children, they have good reason to do it. When resort towns start banning the sale of alcohol things are not okay. <br />
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If the hurricane wasn't enough for you or annoyed you, well, all I have to say is good luck in future storms. Hurricane season isn't over until November, so perhaps you'll have plenty of opportunity to practice what you preach. And maybe you'll be lucky to keep preaching after the next one... or maybe Mother Nature will take you and your stuff out. In the mean time, I'd be happy to give you a hurricane reenactment-- it'd be great stress relief! <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-61306567738162283562011-08-26T06:32:00.000-04:002011-08-26T06:32:00.235-04:00Delaware's Wild RideWe are really hoping hurricane Irene fizzles out, goes to sea and leaves our area alone. I'm not liking the "good-bye" shots of our coastline we are seeing all over the TV. Couple that with an earthquake-- which wasn't strong here, except we suffer from amplification of earthquake waves, and the whole area is taking THIS storm very seriously.<br />
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We've decided to get out of dodge-- or we did before we were advised to. Our family had a plan... it's the rest of my family that didn't. Anyway, we decided enough stress for one month, its time for a mini-get-a-way. The kid is under entirely too much stress and it shows.<br />
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So, we are wishing everyone up and down the East Coast good luck while we move to much higher ground. Get prepared and be safe, hug those kiddos tight! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-28328071562880196552011-08-20T06:05:00.001-04:002011-08-20T06:16:53.193-04:00I'll save you money: Snark Study Review<h2 style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">I'm going to tell you now that I don't need the $34.95 complete version of this study to tell you what the conclusion is going to be and neither do you. Good news, everybody! We just saved almost $40 by switching to common sense. You can thank me later. </span></b></span></h2><h2 style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">I hope you can guess (or assume) the conclusion of this study, too:</span></b></span></h2><h2 style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Original Paper</span></h2><div class="text" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><h1> <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.springerlink.com/content/e21j1353j07064j0/">Adaptation to Daily Stress Among Mothers of Children With an Autism Spectrum Disorder: The Role of Daily Positive Affect</a> </span></h1><h2 style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">(This is me speaking, not the paper) <i>My neighbor always says that mothers of autistic kids are the most easy going, flexible, patient and calm women she ever encounters as a social worker. She even tells me I have the patience of a saint. Lord knows I try...hmm... who is the Patron Saint of Patience? I need more muscle. See, this paper makes me turn to religion from science! </i></span></b></span></b></span></h2><h2><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>Mom's of autistic parents are usually chipper and pro-active (not the acne stuff, but the when it comes to my kid I'll call you before </i></span></b></span></b></span><span style="color: #444444; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><u>you</u></i></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><u> </u></i><i><u>have to call</u></i></span></span></b></span><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i style="color: #444444;"> me stuff). Working with moms of autistic kids is easy-peasy because they listen, they give accurate insight, they weigh options and they act. How come we need a study to say a sunny disposition and ability to deal with daily stressors leads to better outcomes for autistic kids? Doesn't it hold true for all kids? </i><span style="color: #444444;">(Back to the paper)</span></span></span></b></span></b></h2><h1><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></h1><div class="authors"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.springerlink.com/content/?Author=Naomi+V.+Ekas" title="View content where Author is Naomi V. Ekas">Naomi V. Ekas</a> and <a href="http://www.springerlink.com/content/?Author=Thomas+L.+Whitman" title="View content where Author is Thomas L. Whitman">Thomas L. Whitman </a></span></div></div><h2 style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Abstract </span></h2><div class="Abstract" lang="en"><div style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=2196783304513800357" name="Abs1"></a></span></div><div class="normal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Raising a child with an autism spectrum disorder is a challenging experience (<b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Really?</span></b>) that can impact maternal well-being (<b style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Whodda Thunk it?</b>). Using a daily diary methodology, this study investigates (1) the relationship between stress and negative affect, and (2) the role of daily positive affect as a protective factor in the stress and negative affect relationship. Results from hierarchical linear models revealed that higher levels of stress were associated with decreased negative affect, both within and across days. Daily positive affect buffered the immediate and longer-lasting negative impact of stress on days of low to moderate levels of stress. Implications of the present study are discussed with regard to theoretical models of positive affect, the development of intervention programs, and directions for future research. </span><br />
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<div style="color: #444444; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">If you don't know what "affect" means in this context is click <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/affect">here</a>.</span> </span></div></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I'm gonna borrow from my neighbor here (Thank you, Mrs. Alex, for inspiring me to have more testicular fortitude): <b>No freaking way.</b> You mean tell me, great science people, that mothers who can cope with daily stress AND keep a smile on their face have special needs children who flourish? </span></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">N-freaking-O. W-A-Y.... N-O-freaking-WAY. Really?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Nah-uh. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> Taking my logic one step further (because it's my birthday and I'm too old not to use logic now-- I actually FEEL smarter each hour past midnight) we can assume that mothers who are stressed the hell out and can't see the humor in their kid telling them to piss off-- in their own autistic, special way-- have kids who don't do so hot. Of course, I'm making sweeping assumptions here. I only read the paragraph above and tid bit from <a href="http://thinkingautismguide.blogspot.com/">TPGA</a> on facebook (and I quote):</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"> </span><br />
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">"<i>...and this is why we do our best to promote positive role modeling and attitudes. -SR</i>"</span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">Naturally, this paper comes out of a society who vilifies people who take a vacation during stressful times (or at all) and women are doing more today in their roles than they did fifty years ago as mothers. Or at least, it seems like it since there are, er were (economy fail) more two-working parent households. Remember when the middle class survived on one income? I've only read fifty-thousand articles in the past year on the subject of getting men to do fifty-percent of the house-hold chores in a hetero-partnership where both have full time jobs. You can't pick up a damn magazine without reading about it. So. uh. C'mon now!</span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"> </span><br />
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">What these wonderful scientist people ought to be studying is how to get women in better moods. Really. How about how to make respite, support and stipends more readily available to moms...for, um, I don't know... relaxation time so she isn't wound up as tight as...spring? What do we wind up these days? How about taking some stress off of mom? How about making things like education easier so mom doesn't have to spend her precious energy advocating the for the same basic educational plans year after year after year? How about just making that money for education available cause the doctor and mom said it was necessary? How about doing something revolutionary like working with the mom, instead of against? </span><br />
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<br />
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">Did we ever stop to think about why on earth a mom wouldn't have a positive outlook? Autism is hard. Being a mom to an autistic kid is hard. Lots of people think they are experts because they watched a ten minute special on the evening news or a talk show, but they don't <i>really</i> get it. Motherhood is hard with regular kids, but damn, autism? It's so hard that fifty years ago, parents would be told send them away <b><i>forever</i></b>... "have a do-over kid, folks, the state will care for your kid in this pretty institution you'll hear horror stories about fifty years from now." </span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">How about we stop being all misogynistic about studies? This abstract might as well read "Mother's who are frigid make their children autistic". It's the same package re-gifted in different words. "Mom's who aren't blowing sunshine out of their bums when everything is a battle outside (and may be inside) their four walls (if they have four walls) don't raise very well-adjusted kids, especially not autistic ones" would be a better title. </span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><i>Girls, get your aprons out and iron stuff! Make a casserole. Go bleed in the corner, you poor, fair, misguided sex. </i></span><br />
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">You know what I'd love to see studied? The effect of of easily accessible efficient, proficient medical, educational and social services on maternal stress and autistic children...and junk. Why is it the mothers fault for not having a natural optimistic disposition? I invented something called "The Sunshine Stick" for blue friends, but even I've been a total buzz kill lately. I've been the Anthony Bourdain of motherhood. But damn, if you walked in my shoes, you might have jumped off a tall building already. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Every single woman who participated in that study-- and you know they had better things to do-- have been degraded by the study's authors, in my humble, yet loud (and feminist) opinion. I have no doubt that the participants were candid about their experiences, like no other demographic would be. Moms of autistic kids have to deal in stone-cold truth everyday. The mothers affect is directly responsible for their child's success. Where's dad in this? Where's the modeling of relationships by parents? By family? By siblings? By the world? C'mon. Don't just blame mom-- that's so fifty years ago. Give her the tools and resources to be better, happier... positive! It's that simple....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><i>But, wait, there's more</i></b>:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Cause let me tell you-- it isn't my experience with autism or services or doctors or schools or reading these studies that keep me positive. No Sirree. It's my calm, blue ocean. It's a vacation. It's respite. It's a laugh. It's having the skills and support I need to laugh in the vicious, evil, nasty face of daily stress. (OMG, did I pay that bill?? I forgot to put the clothes in the dryer!! Gas is how much??!! Did I defrost some meat?? Do I have Flavor Blasted Goldfish to avoid a bed-time meltdown?!! How do adjust accordingly to this current crisis??!! This. Cannot. Be. Broken.) Sometimes, it's petting the cat. Other times it's talking to my spit-fire neighbor. It's watching stupid television or listening to classical music. It's scrapbooking. It's seeing my kid progress in area when I hadn't expected or had an indicator he would (despite all our effort and hard work). But it is not being left in the cold to take the blame handed out by silly science people. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Maternal affect and stress is not helped by this study at all. As a matter of fact, this study may have raised my blood pressure and may make me lose sleep. We've lost our way. The success of kids isn't a maternal issue at all. It's a societal issue. Until regular mothers, nay WOMEN are properly supported, us special needs moms are gonna have be judged by our sunny smiles and charming ways. And the width of our Sunshine Sticks. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n200/keldakitty/Siggies/sunstick.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n200/keldakitty/Siggies/sunstick.gif" width="400" /></a></div></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div class="normal" style="color: #444444; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-30417886981114399112011-08-17T22:14:00.000-04:002011-08-17T22:14:39.162-04:00Therapy-ShmerapyIt's happened. My family has officially driven me crazy... or crazy enough to go out therapist shopping. Insurance only covers twenty visits per year, so I figure I'd interview potential mental health counselors before letting them charge me and my insurance for actual therapy.<br />
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Just how I got to the point of seeking professional help shouldn't be any surprise. Take one Asperger's kid, take one husband recovering surgery and stir in two sisters, each with their own complex set of issues. Once that's simmering, add in the last sister dying of brain cancer. Let that simmer for three months, stirring constantly. Finally, top with crazy and abusive ex-husband vying for attention, and bake in a well lawyered casserole dish for the next year. Serve with thousands upon thousands of dollars.<br />
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With your feet, during this process, get some hamsters, some fish and some cats... try to keep them alive. Forget about them liking you because you don't sit still long enough for them, but you will pretend they understand you when you ask "Did I feed you today?".<br />
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There are maybe four people in this world I'd trust to do therapy... except two aren't taking clients anymore, one is a complete conflict of interest considering our going for adoption and one isn't technically a therapist (but should be). That leaves the other 30 candidates in the provider handbook.<br />
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I feel like a puddle of goo on the floor these days, when I'm not trying to be therapist-mom to the kid, nurse-wife to the hubby and social worker-sister to my sisters. Everyone is so darn negative or obstinate lately that it's actually becoming contagious. I'm normally positive, chipper and "half full, baby" (as my husband always says). Not so much lately. Not when everyone is all "<b><i>OMFG, it is the end of the world that [insert trivial thing here]</i></b>!!!" Life is awful. There's not enough. We're out of something. Something broke. You haven't... [insert non-priority action here]. Things were better when... life sucks now because... I could go on and on. <br />
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When that's added in with the general stress of daily life, Chiari Man, Aspie Boy, my sister's constant urge to add extra caffeine my coffee, and the trigger of dealing with the ex-husband (even if its second-hand), I find myself having the beginnings of panic attacks. Thankfully, I have the skill set and the support to help keep those at bay. My hubby knows panic attacks. He knows if I say I feel it coming on, I'm serious. And he's afraid that if I break down, he'll be left alone with the whole house and all it's responsibilities.<br />
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My parents and in-laws have been excellent supports, too. Both set of parents seem to have this sixth sense when I need to hear something positive. My mom-in-law has the uncanny ability to read me like a book, even over the phone. I have the strange feeling that if I ever did go into full-fledged panic attack mode, she'd call or show up or something. And she'd probably have ice cream, too. I could write an entire post, novel even, about her awesome mom-ness. My mom is great, too, but she's a thousand miles removed from it all. Even still, my parents sent me "tell us if you need us to come down there and take over for a weekend" email the other day. I told them I have to learn to cope on my own, but if I have too much trouble, I send for them. <br />
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Yet, there are times like these when we need perspective from the outside. When you are in the trenches, you need to communicate with someone removed from the battlefield so you don't end up digging your way right to the enemy. Someone who can load you up with skills and tools to keep heading in the right direction so you can win war, even if you lose some battles.<br />
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When talking about this to my family doctor, she nearly fell of her little doctor's stool while holding back tears of joy when I said, "We are just not born equipped to deal with so much stress and I feel I need extra help". I gathered that she doesn't have many patients <i>ask</i> about emotional and mental health care. I imagine she does a lot of referring, but no one really volunteers for a list of counselors because she was just about speechless.<br />
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I need help redefining my boundaries, dealing with a stressful life and re-learning how to react to certain people in certain situations. My skills are rusty, to put it bluntly. And by-god, I need to dedicate some time just for me, all about me, for the sake of me and my family. After all, what good am I to anyone if I'm not getting my needs met? I'm no martyr and I'm no Scarlett O'Hara. I'm just a girl... who wants to keep thriving under pressure and model the behavior appropriate for our current circumstance.<br />
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And dammit. I want to stay positive and cheerful. Even if I have to create an army of ninja hamsters to reinforce my personal boundaries. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-73465928595296966862011-08-16T23:31:00.000-04:002011-08-16T23:31:54.483-04:00Sleep- It's coolUnless it's hot and then it sucks.<br />
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I like to sleep. I don't know why, but sleep has never been an issue for me. The hubby was asked recently by a sleep doctor (I have no idea what they are called, but they do those sleep studies and junk) if his "bed partner" noticed anything unusual about his sleeping habits. The answer was a resounding "no" because if the house fell down around me, I'd sleep through it.<br />
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I'd be one of those people totally screwed during a midnight tornado or other terrible disaster that involved waking up. Yet, if my child so much as winces in the middle of the night, my mommy radar alerts me. Thank god for primal instincts.<br />
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Lately, I've been ready for bed at 5pm. That's sorta an issue because people get hungry in my house, but lack the ability to really forage for their food. (or so they tell me)<br />
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There isn't really a point to this post, except that after my five hour nap, I'm ready for bed again. I'm sure this need for extra sleep is a by-product of stress, because lord knows it just keeps coming. But sleep-- it makes me happy. It makes me able to function. It keeps me nice and even.<br />
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So, good night, sweet world. I'm going to bed. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-9442939050567397952011-08-08T08:28:00.000-04:002011-08-08T08:28:01.434-04:00Summer Scrap Page 2Here is the second page of yesterdays scrap:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQTtHJ5vcYt-z085a9UtTE0e8XJX3Fc2evZc0mBxkGfbHU1T9ZMLAN7-aA2e7zmLRnH2rK9Ik2aRfIeWMwyTCE9J_SLyGaYXk95kNTnwuwInsSLt3a935JMyRjm7xr-yxJc4UuiSkxFdt5/s1600/mettepage2small256k8bit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQTtHJ5vcYt-z085a9UtTE0e8XJX3Fc2evZc0mBxkGfbHU1T9ZMLAN7-aA2e7zmLRnH2rK9Ik2aRfIeWMwyTCE9J_SLyGaYXk95kNTnwuwInsSLt3a935JMyRjm7xr-yxJc4UuiSkxFdt5/s640/mettepage2small256k8bit.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-67732009809043344672011-08-07T14:15:00.001-04:002011-08-07T14:16:07.134-04:00Summer ScrapThis page was made with <a href="http://www.peppermintcreative.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=133_134&products_id=1712">Peppermint Creative's</a> Sunkissed Summer kit. It's a page of my oldest sister, Mette, when she visited the beach. I plan on doing a second page of her, so this is my "start page". Enjoy!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-KHhYni0AdS-yZnQJk2mHrHLDZfzQW01YZNHX02FVFT9EYGAk8i9FvzNCf8b-NdLxTJspJASPMdT-zY1mE9N_W9z3Jy5R1JA5wPUp_kcALJ2Odl9eGeffp2W7W-tg3z6H5iIYBjE3Z8hd/s1600/mettebeach1large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-KHhYni0AdS-yZnQJk2mHrHLDZfzQW01YZNHX02FVFT9EYGAk8i9FvzNCf8b-NdLxTJspJASPMdT-zY1mE9N_W9z3Jy5R1JA5wPUp_kcALJ2Odl9eGeffp2W7W-tg3z6H5iIYBjE3Z8hd/s640/mettebeach1large.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-82507016430262560612011-08-06T10:47:00.003-04:002011-08-06T21:47:40.608-04:00The Psychic (or Vampire Crazy Lady)See, there's the <a href="http://deportcarrie.webs.com/">psychic I was friends with</a>... The hubby and I were actually a member of her paranormal investigative group. We did all sorts of things for them, basically investing time, money and energy into her many causes. I shouldn't say "her" because it was a family affair.<br />
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This particular psychic (to the stars, she claims) has three major projects: She charges people for psychic readings, privately, over the phone, email, at parties and events, she publishes (or was publishing, because there hasn't been an issue in a long time) a psychic/wiccan magazine, and does paranormal investigations.<br />
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She's a busy lady. When we were friends with her, we helped her. And by help, it always seemed to me that we not provide assistance or do anything along side her, but do it for her. Everything needed to be done immediately because she had deadlines. Yet, when something completed was handed over to her all the sudden the rush, the necessity wore off. <br />
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I did mock ups of website for her to improve her business model. She had lackluster sales and being that I was heavy into selling at online venues at the time (which I have been taking a break from since April because of the hubby's health) and with almost 20 years of award winning customer service under my belt, I shared my tips and tricks with her. Her website is out-dated, not user friendly, and basically looks like it's circa. 1995. She did not feel that was a hindrance to her success.<br />
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I sent friends to her website and they complained about it. I sent potential advertisers to her page, but never heard back from most of them. When I did, it was the standard "that's not right for my business". Even I didn't want to put out money for advertising in her magazine with her website such a mess. No one would stay on her site long enough to see my ad.<br />
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The most embarrassing moment was when the two of us were guests on a popular paranormal internet radio show. She directed listeners to the website to look at evidence from previous investigations. Even the hosts of the show could not get the EVPs to play or so they said. My guess is it just took too long to get the page... or they got lost in the twenty-thousand new spawned tabs and windows. <br />
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She uses Facebook, but not a fan page, but a friend page that has a cap on total amount of friends and limits you ability to market your brand. I suggested a fan page, but she wasn't interested. It was a darn shame because people like <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Aaron-Goodwin-Ghost-Adventures-Crew-GAC/152056656243">Aaron Goodwin</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/annericefanpage">Anne Rice</a> have excellent models of fan pages. Anne Rice by far has the most engaging, interactive fan page I've ever seen. She's responded to me personally *swoon*. Aaron Goodwin has not only promoted his television show, but created a lucrative side business with his use of social media. Her time was spent accepting gifts on Facebook, I guess because it's boosted her ego. <br />
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None of my suggestions were given a second thought by her, yet my husband could say the exact same thing and it'd be a great idea. You see, she doesn't have a very high opinion of women at all. My husband and I tested this theory all the time with little things. She'd take what he said to heart, not realizing that I told him to say it.<br />
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But when it comes to her business, the only person who could ever influence her in those decisions were one of husbands. (She's had twelve). She only seems to wanted to use me as her personal assistant, free of charge. I let her, I ashamed to say. She only wanted to use the hubby to boost her credibility. She has a history of burning through the kindness of friends, sucking them dry like a vampire. <br />
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The last command she barked at me was a letter she wished me to type up. She gave me the summary for a reference (because why should she type the letter herself?) of what she wanted said in this letter. She wanted my husband, with the letters behind his name, to sign and deliver it to her. We've given her a letter of reference before, so I was not surprised or unwilling. When I got the email, my jaw dropped to the floor.<br />
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I don't know what my husband agreed to exactly, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't that. And if it was, then he did not understand completely thanks to his surgery. (Comprehension is something he has issue with at times) I discussed the outrageous lie of of a reference with him and he agreed that it was not something we wanted to be involved in. I don't want to attract any bad karma, especially since she is even worse with money than we were and has a long track record of either suing landlords or being sued by them. I was not letting her have carte-blanche with my husband's reputation.<br />
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I sent her a nice, cordial, but honest reply. Her being a psychic, I assumed that she'd understand that the choice was to prevent bad karma and the tone was kind. I said we could give some other sort of reference, but not <i>that</i> one. I'm not sure she's that good, at least not in emails. Or perhaps selfishness over-ruled any gifts she has because her reply to me spewed venom. You could just feel the evil emanating off the email screen. <br />
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And she wonders why bad things keep happening to her?<br />
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Reminded me of my ex's crazy rants. She threatened me, my kid, my husband... Oy. She's going to have me deported, dontcha know. I can only hope because I need a vacation and Denmark is a beautiful place filled with my family, so I wouldn't need to pay for a hotel. Ticket to Aalborg, if you would Uncle Sam. (It's too bad I was born in Washington, D.C., huh?) She's going to call someone to punish me for having a homeschooled child with Asperger's Syndrome, too. And she's gonna tell my husband's parents how awful we are (like they don't already know us). She is just gonna get me. Punish me for all my sins against her. Punish me for telling her the truth.<br />
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If it were my husband who said any of this, she'd crawl right up his rectum and say "no problem" and leech off of whatever he casts out to her. But I'm a girl, so how dare I not bow down to her?<br />
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I was shocked at first, but now I'm flattered and in stitches over this. When I'm 62, I'm gonna wear a big, ugly hat and put spam in people's shopping carts, not on their Facebook feed. I'm gonna sun myself on the beach in some gaudy bathing suit, on a hot pink beach towel. Even if I'm homeless, even if I'm in wheel chair with pink racing stripes and neon yellow flames. I'll pimp our my walker and smile at young kids. I won't go around asking people to lie for me, especially not friends. And I'd be <a href="http://deportcarrie.webs.com/">gracious </a>when they refuse such an outrageous favor because I understand that no one owes me anything.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-37415129948947151972011-08-04T22:55:00.000-04:002011-08-04T22:55:22.586-04:00Look for a new posts soon!Things have been awfully busy here. When I'm not refreshing the kid for school, correcting behavior, fixing meals and running between doctors appointments, I've either been scrapping, reading (you know, Chiari & Asperger's) or catching up on emails. Sometimes, I sleep. <br />
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There's one really interesting thing that has transpired lately. There seems to be a theme running through my life at the moment, thanks to the powers of the Universe. When these themes manifest over and over again, I take heed. The current theme is the link between gratitude and karma. And boy, do have a lot to post about that with one particular example I find morbidly fascinating. A study in psychology maybe? Extreme narcissism? <br />
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Whatever it is it reinforces the lessons I've learned over the years and makes me thankful for everything I have, and how lucky I am to have my husband alive and well. It reminds me to be grateful for our wonderful support system during our battle with Arnold Chiari (he's a jerk!) and coping with autism.<br />
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I haven't decide whether to splay it out as is or just write a piece about it. It was an interesting interaction to say the least. To see it as is would be like watching a train wreck. Or maybe some awful B rated biker chick movie. I need to think about how to portray this story... <br />
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In the works are also several more scrap pages and a guest post for Scifake.com. Lots to come when I can find more time.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-69009804370785820482011-07-30T10:39:00.000-04:002011-07-30T10:39:31.163-04:00Another Digi Scrap PageThis one is of my niece, Chrissa. An interesting tid-bit: I came up with her name. Her dad wanted to name her Christina, her mom (my sister) didn't care for that. One day, I was playing with that flubby little baby-lady. I was kinda putting her upside down and right side up again while saying "Chris" on the down motion and "uh" when coming up. It came out 'Chriiss-ssaaaa' in my teen-aunt silly voice.<br />
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Her mom walked in one me, heard my gross exaggeration on the name Chris, looked at me and exclaimed "That's it!". I had no idea what she was talking about. "Chrissa.", she said, "That's the name". Both parents agreed that my silliness settled the name argument. That's when I learned that a little silliness can go a long way.<br />
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In this page, I used <a href="http://www.deliciousscraps.com/2011/06/new-free-scrap-kit-spring-mini-part-7.html">Delicious Scrap's Spring Collection of Mini Kits</a> (there's a <a href="http://www.deliciousscrapshop.com/">99 cent sale</a> going on their store right now, so if you have the cash, I say go for it) along with <a href="http://www.shabbyprincess.com/downloads.asp">Shabby Princess' Promise kit</a>. Shabby Princess is another one of my favorite group of designers. I would love to one day actually buy a whole kit, but for now, it's freebies for me. <br />
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I'm trying very hard to limit myself to one or two kits with these pages in order to self edit and remember who I need to credit since I use freebies. Also, I'm trying to hone the skills I remember. I need to find a good tutorial group again. The goal is to one be able to print out these pages and put them into a book. One day...<br />
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Here is the end result:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic4jpjEH1up4TpeLKbynA0DkOhBShMf-9yMI86biMWuoJtPmhKt1oxw1QOWCg7XCQ3EyATMwE9wmYRQgTmODW9xYjrmSOScjlqnjY2EqZPhkK-yYg2vbbCHmoY-taZO4OVwt-A-xXtxlqm/s1600/chrissa1large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic4jpjEH1up4TpeLKbynA0DkOhBShMf-9yMI86biMWuoJtPmhKt1oxw1QOWCg7XCQ3EyATMwE9wmYRQgTmODW9xYjrmSOScjlqnjY2EqZPhkK-yYg2vbbCHmoY-taZO4OVwt-A-xXtxlqm/s640/chrissa1large.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-54616278817844009922011-07-24T19:07:00.000-04:002011-07-24T19:07:26.076-04:00Bookmark Often?This are the top search queries into my blog for the past month. It seems either someone doesn't know how to bookmark or my site and me are famous. Somehow, I'm not thinking its fame:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeuyUvHTnu4hq8NPbIDNf79ZNwVBxeZ9nbCVv8Hthx1b5cpXHOAkrTnHZAy3uTuKtADIT7ZNLnNWCN1zH7CtIpCOpmnBrAQcA_jLrMbIJcPsBgz97bnMufUDYaApi6SZ06gcQGIjRH1_gL/s1600/carrie2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeuyUvHTnu4hq8NPbIDNf79ZNwVBxeZ9nbCVv8Hthx1b5cpXHOAkrTnHZAy3uTuKtADIT7ZNLnNWCN1zH7CtIpCOpmnBrAQcA_jLrMbIJcPsBgz97bnMufUDYaApi6SZ06gcQGIjRH1_gL/s400/carrie2.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Bookmarks are useful.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-79958954276399934592011-07-24T16:46:00.001-04:002011-07-24T16:48:13.136-04:00ZipperheadsI updated an older post with images of my husband's Chiari scar a month post-op, however, I feel for the sake of Chiari Awareness the images warrant their own post. You may copy these images for personal and public use. I just ask that you do not alter the images or hot-link them from me.<br />
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Without further a-do...<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbTZxj6eVuvJih8_DyetmPKyw6RgaxLOIekDcb6tEKNTTaMHCY_7k8eKnYgwT-KRBMru7PLXXKBHftq5S6eJ0iV0PIxQxPV4ZRyetdeZX6uXiLktoHRsHscWC4CQ2pdVcUNgMvxbgFJCzh/s1600/chiarizheadorig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="638" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbTZxj6eVuvJih8_DyetmPKyw6RgaxLOIekDcb6tEKNTTaMHCY_7k8eKnYgwT-KRBMru7PLXXKBHftq5S6eJ0iV0PIxQxPV4ZRyetdeZX6uXiLktoHRsHscWC4CQ2pdVcUNgMvxbgFJCzh/s640/chiarizheadorig.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtn489nWtdTkieZVJlzKxSBLT_mdDSQ7_YLcnKOaHVgWwHnUkkE82_EOdSIwuc-zp3oMum6EJ538kLRG7PQhGQFU-gRwV2LatBPa0FcumTGmDa9bHA1e9vQLJr7F5feVH8p4ym2l_srKX0/s1600/chiarizipperheadhubby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="638" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtn489nWtdTkieZVJlzKxSBLT_mdDSQ7_YLcnKOaHVgWwHnUkkE82_EOdSIwuc-zp3oMum6EJ538kLRG7PQhGQFU-gRwV2LatBPa0FcumTGmDa9bHA1e9vQLJr7F5feVH8p4ym2l_srKX0/s640/chiarizipperheadhubby.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-38012643436848572622011-07-24T13:09:00.000-04:002011-07-24T13:09:17.785-04:00Wanting meltdowns to melt-a-way.<i>"Mommy", he asks, "is it okay if I call the cat the 'p' word?" </i><br />
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<i>"No, you'll get in trouble", I reply in harmony with my husband. I think about it for a minute. "Wait...what 'p' word do you mean?"</i><br />
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<i>In a whisper, he says shyly, "Patches".</i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Patches was my cat's name when I adopted her. She didn't look like a Patches and I can't say she had a great life under that name, so I changed it. I had to laugh at the kid's sheer innocence. Patches, of course, not that other word. Not pussy cat... The boy makes me laugh. I still had to explain to him that the cat's name was special and something I worked hard to get her to recognize as her name. We don't want to remind her of her previous life. </span><br />
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Summer is is coming upon its last full month. Our August calendar isn't filling up quite so quickly either, which I hope means that we will have free time to enjoy the sun and sand, water and outings that we are accustomed to this time of year. I also hope that means less time in waiting rooms and hospitals along with fewer trips to the pharmacy. <br />
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My greatest hope is that my kid can will feel more secure, feel like life is normal again. The cracks are starting to really show as his behavior reverts. We are having more meltdowns, he is clingy, he is more impulsive, he just isn't at his best.<br />
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The other day, he had a meltdown because his aunt's daughter came for a surprise visit, usurping his special time between him and his aunt. It's his only real one on one time these days. He figured if his cousin spent the night here, he could make up for that lost time with his aunt; A plan to which neither his aunt nor parents agreed. <br />
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It was two hours of pure autistic meltdown. As his parents, we were not prepared at all. It was the longest meltdown we've had in quite a long time. It wasn't especially violent, but it was filled with spiteful words, sobbing, wailing and stopped time in our house. It was also the third one in a week.<br />
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We simply aren't used to these long, dramatic meltdowns anymore. For the hubby, its terrible. His brain is still healing meaning he is sensitive to sounds and does not have the patience he once did. He gets as frustrated as the kid because he a) can't squash the meltdown and b) can barely handle it because the shrillness and shrieking causes sensory overload. <br />
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I have to admit that I was half deer caught in the headlights and half calming force. I thought to myself that I needed to re-read my "How to Deal with Metldowns" section in our Family Manual. The kid looked to me to help him negotiate and cope with his feelings and I was a tired, stuttering mess.<br />
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I should add to this that our current heatwave effected all of us at the time: I have no tolerance to heat like this, never have and heat exhaustion is something I succumb to easily. I had just begun to cool down after being outside when the tantrum ensued. The kid was also coming directly in from the heat. He was hot, tired and upset. The hubby's pain has increased significantly since the heatwave started, which is common for Chiarians, but worse being only two months post-op and possibly having a leak of some sort (increased intra-cranial pressure bites). As a family, we muddled through the whole thing. <br />
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I don't think the kid understands how to cope with what he is feeling. I've said this before and I'll say it again: Watching and worrying about a parent go through a major medical condition, surgery and recovery is hard for an adult. Not only is the kid not an adult, he's emotionally delayed thanks to Asperger's Syndrome.<br />
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While he was amazing during the initial process and immediately after the surgery, he's now able to have all those fears and worries come to the forefront (as it is for all of us). He's adjusting to Daddy in recovery as opposed to Daddy the Mother Hen, fart joke buddy, and generally his go to guy for all important kid stuff. He's adjusting to what Chiari means for his Dad, him and his family. This is just one phase of what will be a long recovery. <br />
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With Asperger's, having your entire world turned up-side-down and inside-out is devastating. Anyone who doesn't realize that is not thinking about the kid. Daddy has always been his rock, so this is the hardest thing the kid has ever been through. Daddy always understands him, is always there for him, is his... well, dad.<br />
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But it isn't the same anymore. Daddy isn't around-- not like at work not around, but convalescing not around. The strongest man alive according to the kid isn't so strong right now. Yet, Daddy is trying his hardest to still fill his own large shoes, even if its in short increments. There are times when Daddy tries to be there longer, be stronger, push past his current limits to be the best dad he can be. Sometimes they have those normal for them father-son moments. Sometimes pushing past his limits, Daddy doesn't always succeed... yet the effort means something for all of us. <br />
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Because of Chiari changing our lives, I am looking for a therapist for the kid to see. I would prefer a male, but it is rare to find a male therapist willing to work with children-- my husband was one of the only in our area. There are three female candidates, one is probably out because she is the hubby's boss (and so busy!), which is a shame because I trust her the most. The other is the one we saw previously, who made no great impression on me (or the kid). The third is through the agency dealing with visitation, but who has not actually started work yet.<br />
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Speaking of visitation, that adds another stressor onto my poor kid. While we've discussed it briefly with him (because with Asperger's, you need a lot of warning for any new thing), we haven't gone into great detail. The hubby and I are going to visit with visitation therapist first to go over the information and get some guidance on the best ways to discuss the subject in detail. I need to do <a href="http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art36031.asp">some reading</a>, too, about Asperger's and supervised visitation (there really isn't much out there, ugh). <br />
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This is something I'm not really good at because I have a gut reaction that is extremely hard to control when I even think of the subject. So, the hubby has been taking the reigns on this matter. In a strange way, that has been positive thing-- it reaffirms fatherly strength. <br />
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With all that has happened, its no wonder we are back to meltdown several times a week. It's not only the hubby that is recovering, but each person in our family. Providing the kid with a safe outlet to process all his emotions is at the top of my daily to-do list. Remembering to have patience with everyone, including myself, is in the second spot. Reminding myself that its okay to muddle through life when it becomes unfamiliar is just fine, too. I wish I could have a magic candy that not only melted in his mouth, but melted away the kids meltdowns and made him feel like he was again on solid, less stressful ground.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2196783304513800357.post-14927903464826656662011-07-21T17:47:00.000-04:002011-07-21T17:47:54.736-04:00Girlie ScrapI spent most of the day trying to put together a digi scrap page of my niece. Her mom took this great picture of her at the beach where she looks like a movie star. I have been dying to use the photo in a scrap page. I love the colors-- pinks!! Having a boy, I don't use a lot of pinks...<br />
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Turns out I have a lot of trouble coming up with a layout. I wanted to use everything pink and beach themed... turns out there aren't a lot of pink beach themes on my computer. I have so many kits, I was hoping to use just one designer's kit... or do a challenge. I struggled with this page, but finally realized I didn't have one kit to fit this... and self-editing was a huge problem because I wanted to use EVERY kit I had...<br />
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My husband kept telling me things looked good. Poor guy was befuddled when I'd tell him he was wrong. He likes everything I do, so if I'd smeared poop on the monitor he'd tell me it was a work of art. <br />
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In the end, I used papers and elements from <a href="http://www.deliciousscraps.com/">Delicious Scraps</a> (various collections-- they are all so good! Most of my fave kits are from DS) along with elements from <a href="http://sjtowers.blogspot.com/">Stacey's Scraps</a> (the pink frame with green bow, which set my color scheme basically was from her "Longing For Summer" kit). I also used Shannon Fahrnbach's Too Hot to Handle elements (the glitter sun and wire-flower-sun center piece) along with Alphas. The alphas had this great texture to them, but when I recolored it pink, I messed up somewhere. Oh well, I figure it was just meant to be. I believe I got that kit from digiscrap central..I'll have to check that. I am happy with the overall outcome:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlq3SG_61pSKhPOoZyVIMngteOBL32bv_cOsvRK5-CnupzQBlpJa6Lv35jgG3DTPYjtGONmb5I0VNI-Zh2yD98qk2PTrHSSV27_6epC28aJ3MYzFi-Zw8MTfFBkUlK-nJdKunJK3Stu4rZ/s1600/ericascrapbeachsmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlq3SG_61pSKhPOoZyVIMngteOBL32bv_cOsvRK5-CnupzQBlpJa6Lv35jgG3DTPYjtGONmb5I0VNI-Zh2yD98qk2PTrHSSV27_6epC28aJ3MYzFi-Zw8MTfFBkUlK-nJdKunJK3Stu4rZ/s640/ericascrapbeachsmall.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09714578433823634712noreply@blogger.com0