Every so often, I tell my family that I am taking the day off. Even mom's need time to re-charge their batteries. To be able to take care of our families, we moms need some time to enjoy non-mom and non-wife things. Kids and husbands don't always realize it, but they get a lot more play time than their wives and mothers. (I'm not sure how this works in same-sex relationships... and I'd be interested to know if one partner feels like a traditional "mom" and needs to set boundaries down harder to take a day off...)
I prepared the kid earlier this week that Saturday was going to be an "entertain yourself day". or at least a "don't expect mom to succumb to your every whim day". I told the kid, of course, that I'd provide three meals for him, but snackage was his responsibility (and possibly my nightmare). I also reminded him that I'll be around for boo-boo mending, but otherwise, pretend your mom is at the spa.
I said the similar lines to my husband. His response was supportive, with a hint of "why is she telling me this?" because he doesn't truly realize how difficult it is for me to get away. That's understandable since he's sequestered more often than not in his convalescent area (aka our bedroom). He'd love to need to day off instead of dreaming of having everyday on, so to speak.
I thought I had everyone prepared. Thought being the operative word. You see, my little social aspie creature, who a year ago would be happy to go an entire day without having to have a conversation with anyone around him has turned the opposite direction. The poor child is used to having someone entertain him in some way, shape or form. He's spent the past few months with family and/or friends, visiting or being visited, at home doing something extraordinarily fun or out and about doing summery things. It's great and has been a huge distraction in the absence of his father from his daily life, but it does not bode well when we have a chance for down-time... or I have a chance for down-time.
While I got to sleep in until eleven in the morning (sleeping in was more like I couldn't be roused due to sheer exhaustion), I haven't had much other time off. As a matter of fact, I spent the greater portion of today doing what I always do. Then when I reminded said kid about said day off for mama, he promptly called his aunt to tell her I needed him to go spend the night with her. Cause, you know, I'm taking the day off?
She wasn't game and she shouldn't have to be. My boy has plenty of independent play skills (despite him forgetting he has them) along with plenty of games, books, movies and toys to provide a rich, fun experience when no one is around to play with him. Instead, he was bored (which is code for "help me cope with not getting my expectations met").
And he started to meltdown... so Mom swooped in, took him outside where he was more able to keep himself together. We reviewed the misery which is his life (Sam's not home, Dad is having a bad pain day and Moster said no to staying the night). I told some stories of my childhood that revolved around having to entertain myself when I didn't want to. I'm not sure those stories help as much as the change of scenery and talking being used as a way to cope do.
I love that my kid is relishing in socialization while hating that he isn't prone to moderation. It's all or nothing. One extreme to the next... for now. The boy has learned a lot in the past year, especially in the past three or so months. He's been asked to deal with a huge amount of stress, more than any kid should have to bear. Through it all, he's been absolutely amazing considering all life has thrown our way... thrown his way.
Now that Daddy is out of the woods as far as he knows, we are seeing the kid's stress manifest in strange new ways, like this no longer being able to keep himself company anymore and not wanting any downtime at all. He's all go-go-go these days. Of course, that makes it harder for me to take any breaks because either I'm going with him, shadowing him with his peers and on the days he's sleeping over at my sister's, I'm running the husband to appointments, running errands and taking care of non-kid related things.
I knew he's been in sorta Asperger's pressure cooker all this time. I just didn't know what the result would be or when the lid would blow off-- I just knew eventually we'd find out! Well, this is part of it. The child doesn't want to be alone... at all. This isn't anxiety related, or not like it was before the Paxil (irrational fears keeping him prisoner), but its something. It's not wanting time to dwell on the what ifs, perhaps?
In any case, I'm trying hard to help him cope through this period, to remind him of his wonderful imagination and other outlets he has that are fun, yet independent. And I am encouraging him to do little things with his dad, like have lunch in bed together. As a matter of fact, I've been able to write this because the two guys went to the store together-- Daddy was finally feeling up to it.
Yet, I'm thinking with the manifestation of this newest symptom-- the inability to do anything solo-- it may be appropriate to go back to therapy. As a mom, I see this as a regression back into toddler-hood, when I couldn't take my eyes of my boy for a second without disaster. We are just a small step away from bringing him into the bathroom with us because he refuses to occupy any room by himself for more than two minutes. We are also a small step away from losing the ability to sleep in his room by himself (or self-soothe at bedtime). As the stress creeps out of his little (okay, bus sized) head, I worry about regression.
We've worked so hard for so long on all these independent and socialization skills. Matt has worked hard, extremely hard on acquiring skills and coping mechanisms, managing his behavior and expressing himself and feelings. I saw today his own frustration seep out. Yet in this, he recognized and expressed that he did not like how he was feeling. My heart breaks for him in these moments.
Facing the mortality of a loved one is hard as hell for a normal adult. For a kid with Asperger's Syndrome... well... is there an expression worse than "hard as hell"? Whatever you can come up with would fit.
So while I didn't get a true day off (which I never really expected anyway), I did get something that is important to moms: I got an understanding, a clearer picture of my son's reaction to his father's Chiari recovery. The only way I can help him get through this is to see the big picture. It's just one piece to the newest puzzle we are putting together.
We'll just keep working on it until he can find that balance between introversion and extroversion, always wanting to be alone or never wanting to be alone. Until we get it right, we'll all be taking a lot of deep breaths and taking things one second at a time. Like boy said just a few minutes ago (they came home a little while ago) "We'll try again tomorrow for a day off".
I never realized I was a corporation until now. Mom to an aspie married to a hubby with Arnold Chiari. A proud socialist liberal, wild views, wild posts, sometimes boring, sometimes offensive, but always real.
Showing posts with label teachable moment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teachable moment. Show all posts
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Entitlement, Facts, Opinions, Respect, Gas
While You Are Entitled To Your Own Opinions, You Are Not Entitled To Your Own Facts.
Whadda ya mean I'm not entitled to my own facts? I'm entitled to everything else, right? I certainly am entitled to gas below $4.03 a gallon.
Funny I happened upon the above article this morning. I had a friend on that face place post this in her her status:
See, in the real world, when your employees do a great job they get some credit, but your boss- you know, the guy you answer to- gets some credit, too (and sometimes more credit than the staff). Same happens when you eff the hell up, except, as a boss, you get more credit for failure than the guys following your orders. Why on earth should it be any different for the Commander and Chief? What is wrong for telling people 'good job' even when you don't like them. Hell, I do it all the time! There are TONS of people I dislike, but if they do something pretty stellar and positive, I can swallow all those yucky feelings to say "You did great, congrats".
That's part what being an American is about. It's about putting aside all those ill-feelings we have for those we don't care for, approve of, or like to say "You know, we give credit where credit is due in this country". If we can't thank the Commander and Chief, we surely will forget all the other people in that room with him, the guys and gals supporting SEAL Team 6-- like the person at their home who told them "you can surely be a military dude that can change the world forever", the guy who feed them lunch or put together that package of MRE in a factory somewhere, the people who built the helicopters so you know, they didn't all break into 50 pieces en route to this compound, the first grade teachers who made all these future game changers believe in themselves enough to get this far... the list could go on for hours, I'm sure.
To that list, you could all us whiny Americans and even the one who said "This is not a victory for Obama." If something was ever Anti-American, that sentiment its that statement. We all celebrate, take credit, but we won't give the boss one iota of praise because. Because why? I hated G.W. Bush, but I had enough respect for the office of the president to say "Good job" after 9/11/01 was met with some bombs dropping on country du jour. As a patriot, it is my duty to have respect for whomever is in the White House, regardless of my feelings for them.
As a citizen with a child, it my obligation to teach my son how our democracy works, starting with respecting the positions of leaders and teaching him how to disagree with decorum and dignity. It's my job to teach him to respect the office of president, even when you don't agree with all the President's policies. It is my job to teach him that it's okay to give someone credit for a job well done even if you can't find any other redeeming quality about that person. It's also my job to explain the difference between fact and opinion.
The fact in this life lesson is that Obama holds the title of Commander and Chief with which comes credit for successes and failures. Stating that he doesn't deserve any credit is not an opinion nor a factual statement. It is a down-right fallacy. Those that teach that lie are those trying to destroy the very fabric of our country, are unpatriotic and do the work the terrorists set out to accomplish in the first place.
As for government shut-downs, we've been there, done that. I didn't happen; those leader people worked it out. Almost doesn't count and I'm pretty sure no one wanted to not pay the military. I'm certain that the whole subject is entirely too complex to explain in a facebook post. It was only used in this mass-repost-statusto bolster the argument (and lie that) Obama hates our troops. The concept and it's situation is so grossly misused that it doesn't even deserve more mention than this.
The gas thing is a favorite that ended up as comment in my spirited debate made by this particular friend, that I didn't even address it. The price of gas isn't Obama's fault. It's not the fault of Congress. Again, its complicated, but I get tired of people thinking the government has some sort of magical powers to change the cost of the goods we the people consume. Guess what, it hurts the government, too, when the cost of gas increases-- from the federal to the local levels. It is what is and there is no short term solution. End of story.
Here's the immediate solution: Change your effing budget so you can afford your commute to work. Then kick yourself for buying a gas guzzler. Five years ago, I had a choice-- gas guzzler or fuel efficient. I picked a car that gets 40 MPG on the highway. Then I realized that most everything I need can be found in a 10 mile radius from my house. Yeah, I'd love to go to Target every week, but I can't afford to spend the gas, so I don't. My husband commutes an hour to work, so he takes my fuel efficient car. We plan out our errands so no gas is wasted.
Save gas by thinking before you drive and save money by making a budget. Carpool. Don't continue your gas guzzling behavior and complain about how much money you spend. You are not entitled to 99 cent gas. No one promised that you, ever. What you are promised as an American is the ability to use your brain and mad skillz to overcome obstacles to live as you desire. So get out your amazing calculators, sit down with all your bills, calculate the amount of gas you use week and forecast your financial future on your current route and then start playing with changes.
UPS saved 29 million miles worth of gas last year by eliminating left turns from their routes and if they can figure it out, you can to. As an American, you are entitled to use your brain to find solutions to your problems.
Whadda ya mean I'm not entitled to my own facts? I'm entitled to everything else, right? I certainly am entitled to gas below $4.03 a gallon.
Funny I happened upon the above article this morning. I had a friend on that face place post this in her her status:
I was pleasantly surprised that out of all my conservative or anti-Obama friends (for some reason, my circle seems to contain a lot of people with political views at the extreme opposite of mine), only one dear friend turned the death of Bin Laden into a political sideshow. I am very proud that 99% of the people I call friends, no matter what their personal beliefs, said thank god this is over, good job all and left it at that. (Of course my few zany liberal friends said 'take that birthers') Because I have a big mouth (or large fingers), I posted a rebuttal, using Rush Limbaugh's words as evidence that the 'don't credit Obama at all' thing was horse manure. The Big O, being the boss-man of the soon to be Call of Duty immortalized SEAL Team 6, deserves the appropriate amount of credit for saying "get 'em boys".
See, in the real world, when your employees do a great job they get some credit, but your boss- you know, the guy you answer to- gets some credit, too (and sometimes more credit than the staff). Same happens when you eff the hell up, except, as a boss, you get more credit for failure than the guys following your orders. Why on earth should it be any different for the Commander and Chief? What is wrong for telling people 'good job' even when you don't like them. Hell, I do it all the time! There are TONS of people I dislike, but if they do something pretty stellar and positive, I can swallow all those yucky feelings to say "You did great, congrats".
That's part what being an American is about. It's about putting aside all those ill-feelings we have for those we don't care for, approve of, or like to say "You know, we give credit where credit is due in this country". If we can't thank the Commander and Chief, we surely will forget all the other people in that room with him, the guys and gals supporting SEAL Team 6-- like the person at their home who told them "you can surely be a military dude that can change the world forever", the guy who feed them lunch or put together that package of MRE in a factory somewhere, the people who built the helicopters so you know, they didn't all break into 50 pieces en route to this compound, the first grade teachers who made all these future game changers believe in themselves enough to get this far... the list could go on for hours, I'm sure.
To that list, you could all us whiny Americans and even the one who said "This is not a victory for Obama." If something was ever Anti-American, that sentiment its that statement. We all celebrate, take credit, but we won't give the boss one iota of praise because. Because why? I hated G.W. Bush, but I had enough respect for the office of the president to say "Good job" after 9/11/01 was met with some bombs dropping on country du jour. As a patriot, it is my duty to have respect for whomever is in the White House, regardless of my feelings for them.
As a citizen with a child, it my obligation to teach my son how our democracy works, starting with respecting the positions of leaders and teaching him how to disagree with decorum and dignity. It's my job to teach him to respect the office of president, even when you don't agree with all the President's policies. It is my job to teach him that it's okay to give someone credit for a job well done even if you can't find any other redeeming quality about that person. It's also my job to explain the difference between fact and opinion.
The fact in this life lesson is that Obama holds the title of Commander and Chief with which comes credit for successes and failures. Stating that he doesn't deserve any credit is not an opinion nor a factual statement. It is a down-right fallacy. Those that teach that lie are those trying to destroy the very fabric of our country, are unpatriotic and do the work the terrorists set out to accomplish in the first place.
As for government shut-downs, we've been there, done that. I didn't happen; those leader people worked it out. Almost doesn't count and I'm pretty sure no one wanted to not pay the military. I'm certain that the whole subject is entirely too complex to explain in a facebook post. It was only used in this mass-repost-statusto bolster the argument (and lie that) Obama hates our troops. The concept and it's situation is so grossly misused that it doesn't even deserve more mention than this.
The gas thing is a favorite that ended up as comment in my spirited debate made by this particular friend, that I didn't even address it. The price of gas isn't Obama's fault. It's not the fault of Congress. Again, its complicated, but I get tired of people thinking the government has some sort of magical powers to change the cost of the goods we the people consume. Guess what, it hurts the government, too, when the cost of gas increases-- from the federal to the local levels. It is what is and there is no short term solution. End of story.
Here's the immediate solution: Change your effing budget so you can afford your commute to work. Then kick yourself for buying a gas guzzler. Five years ago, I had a choice-- gas guzzler or fuel efficient. I picked a car that gets 40 MPG on the highway. Then I realized that most everything I need can be found in a 10 mile radius from my house. Yeah, I'd love to go to Target every week, but I can't afford to spend the gas, so I don't. My husband commutes an hour to work, so he takes my fuel efficient car. We plan out our errands so no gas is wasted.
Save gas by thinking before you drive and save money by making a budget. Carpool. Don't continue your gas guzzling behavior and complain about how much money you spend. You are not entitled to 99 cent gas. No one promised that you, ever. What you are promised as an American is the ability to use your brain and mad skillz to overcome obstacles to live as you desire. So get out your amazing calculators, sit down with all your bills, calculate the amount of gas you use week and forecast your financial future on your current route and then start playing with changes.
UPS saved 29 million miles worth of gas last year by eliminating left turns from their routes and if they can figure it out, you can to. As an American, you are entitled to use your brain to find solutions to your problems.
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