Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Dear Lori

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I pray that you stay safe and that your husband is stable. I also pray that the stress of this huge issue causes him no reason to do you harm. Please know that there are many resources found at the National Hotline For Domestic Violence. Also know that I now consider this the end of our conversation about anything other than your safety or things that have been established by court documents and/or my own experiences with your husband.  The therapists already know everything detailed in the post that has upset you, yet for your sake, I will re-address this at our next appointment.  Your comments will not be published to my blog, but will be given to the visitation therapists along with my answers, posts and/or related material.

I am an strong believer in advocating for women rights. I have worked with other victims of domestic violence professionally, including running a support group. In order for a woman to heal, she must deal in honesty. In order to champion women's rights, society must deal in honesty. That was the point of my article, not as a personal attack. It is what is and was written in my own style. I have also written for Autism blogs as well, even with a little snark. I tend to lean on the side that when someone gets defensive it's because they recognize themselves in the words and experience, but not in the solution.

My facts come from a large file of court documents. My experiences come from my, well, experiences. I cannot put it in terms simpler than that. If you are not privvy to the entirety of court documents, I'm sorry about that. HIPPA laws prevent me from sharing the extensive medical information included in my latest round of court documents, but its all there.

Unfortunately, we are where we are for a reason and it's not because I'm vengeful or vicious. I simply don't have time for that and never have. There isn't a day that goes by that I wish things had been different because autistic children need strong supports. 

We are not blocking visitation at all (or anything else). I am in contact with the center and its therapists. My apologies if my post based on my experiences have made things difficult for you. If you would like to email me privately and discuss this matter, please do so with the understanding that I stand by what I've said previously because it is either documented or the truth of my experiences.

It does make me feel good you are familiar with special needs children, but this a loaded situation, with a huge paper trail. I also cannot be in the same room with my ex husband without a visceral post traumatic stress reaction, nor can I deal with him on the phone (lord knows I tried). He has burned through every contact I've tried to set up so that he could send cards and gifts to have some sort of relationship with his son. He also burned through some I didn't authorize, like my in-laws. I believe my father-in-law could be a means to work through for these things because if your husband harassed him in any way  it would a federal offense that the Secret Service or Homeland Security would handle. Yet because of past instances, he may not be willing to do this. It is something worth us, separately naturally, discussing with the therapists at the visitation center and me with my in-laws to see if they'd be willing to be that middle-man.

There is a reason the visitation is going through the courts and through qualified therapists. It has nothing to do with me being a big meanie. It has nothing to do with me at all. It has to do with Matt. End of story. I have no interest in fighting, but I also have no interest in reliving terror and chaos of the past. Matt is old enough now to really grasp these things, so treading with caution is of the utmost importance for him and for your husband should he really be serious this time about being involved in an honest way in Matt's life.

You may contact me through my email address. Please be aware that the current court order states that my ex and I are not to have contact on this matter.

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