***Read at your own risk***
For some reason, I seem to be visiting retail establishments on a daily basis these days. Between visitors and pharmacy visits, it seems my household needs a lot of things lately. It doesn't help that with a convalescing husband, guests, an autistic son, and an early heatwave I find myself very forgetful these days. I used to be able to avoid shopping like the plague with careful planning and a healthy "oh well, we can live without [insert item here] for another week". I miss those days.
I've noticed something odd lately: When I announce I'll be right back because I'm going to Walgreen's for emergency Twizzlers at 9pm (or that thing I forgot that my husband can't survive without), someone else always seems to ask "What are you getting at the store?".
I answer the question with a question because I assume someone else desires an item not found in my home: "Do you need/want anything?" Surprisingly, the answer always seems to be "no". When I'm trying to make quick work of shopping (so I can finally sit down and enjoy a hot cup of coffee or warm dinner, or just want to go to bed), I'm not feeling up to discussing my shopping list. I also feel like I am not obligated to do so either.
The interest in my mundane shopping list never wanes, so I have decided instead of being annoyed with in the delaying discussion, I am going to have fun with it. Here are some answers that I have in my newly developed repertoire:
- I need some Alka Seltzer and Depends for my explosive diarrhea.
- I need some super sized tampons because I'm bleeding everywhere.
- We are out of extra large, ribbed condoms.
- I forgot to pick up some vaginal ointment.
- I'm out of Preparation H.
- My husband is out of ExtenZe.
- The bottle of Astroglide is empty.
- The new issue of Jugs just hit the news stands.
- I need batteries for my vibrator.
- I have a killer hemorrhoid-- so maybe you can help me hit it with the Tucks medicated pads when I get back?
- My toe fungus is back.
- The herpes is back.
If you have any fun things to add to my list, please feel free to leave a comment. I'd love to hear what answers you'd provide to make the askers regret their asking!